A confession, and an admonition.

I was talking with a friend the other day about our mutual struggle with "being down", or depressed, or discouraged - sometimes just for a day, sometimes for a stretch of days. As we discussed what we think leads us into those times, and how exactly we feel during them, and how we cope with them once we find ourselves there, we were noticing how we've both been duped by several lies.

We tend to believe we are the only ones who have ever felt the way we feel. We have believed that if we were to admit our struggles to a friend, they would either not understand us, they would shrug it off as not that big of a deal, or they would feel that we were once again burdening them with our problems. Though we both agreed that we do not feel that way when our friends admit their struggles to us (unless we're just being total jerks, which is perhaps another post), we still believed they would feel that way about us, because we have also believed the lie that we are more messed up or more "needy" than everyone else, as evidenced by our continual struggle with the same problem, and thus, our very presence with our friends is a burden. So, instead of confessing our struggles, and our sins , we remain silent (I am not calling discouragement/depression/"being down" a sin, but I do know that at some point---and I am not speaking for anyone else, just Me---I do not put my faith in God, but listen to the voice of the enemy/the world/my flesh instead. When this point comes, I am indeed guilty of the sin of unbelief. And, I am becoming more convinced that God is using this discouragement to train me for battle. Will I have faith in Him when I do not feel like it, and cannot see Him? Lord, grow me up! I believe Lord, help my unbelief!).

By remaining silent, we are missing out on SO much, which I'm sure is why the enemy/the world/our flesh resists us opening our mouths.

Psalm 32
3 For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
   through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
   my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
                                                                       Selah
5 I acknowledged my sin to you,
   and I did not cover my iniquity;
   I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,"
   and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.
                                                                       Selah

When we keep silent, This is what we're missing out on.

1 John
1:6 If we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.

2:1 My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin, but if anyone does sin, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the Righteous.

When we keep silent, This is what we're missing out on.

James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

When we keep silent, This is what we're missing out on.

2 Corinthians 2
8 We do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by your prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.

When we keep silent, This is what we're missing out on.

Psalm 32

6 Therefore, let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach Him.
7 You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with shouts of deliverance.             Selah

Top 13 of My 2013 27th Birthday

1. Casey gave me a present first thing in the morning! Smart boy. Unfortunately for him, I'm not always the kindest person in the morning, and instead of saying, "Thank you, I love scarves!", I said, "Oh, it's not the right color." What a jerk. Then I felt terrible about it all day. He tries so hard (and succeeds!) at buying me sweet and thoughtful gifts - one, because he's awesome, and two, because he knows I love giving and getting gifts, and I think he may feel a teensy bit of pressure to get me just the right thing. By the end of the day, I realized that the color he got me would actually look better on me than the other color I wanted, and this was confirmed when I wore it the next day and everyone told me it went perfect with my skin tone. I think there's a lesson in here somewhere about being grateful for what you're given, even if you don't understand it at first? Thankful for Casey's thoughtfulness, and his patience with my lack of gratefulness. This is God living in Him!

2. Casey bought me breakfast first thing in the morning, even though he had the day off of work and didn't have to get up that early. And, he consented to my strange requests. And went two different places to fulfill the requests. Pecan twist and Bo-rounds from Bojangle's (duh), and a banana from the convenience store (to make me feel like I was eating "healthy").

3. While I would have been EC-STAT-IC to have 2 feet of snow on my birthday, the next best thing is 70 and sunny in January, and that's what I got. I wore short sleeves! I actually went to Walmart and saw their fur-lined coats and thought, "Wow, it's a little late in the year to have those out, isn't it? ...OH yeah, it's still winter!"

4. I got several cards in the mail, or in hand, from friends and family. In fact, they are sitting on top the DVD player right now and I am happily glancing up at them. I am TOTALLY a sentimental hoarder. Look for me in 20 years on Hoarders 2033. Wait, actually, be a friend, and come intervene before it gets there! With sentimental me and sentimental Casey combined, we could be buried within a couple years. It's sad, but true. I digress...so, my favorite card (if I can pick...I loved them all people---thanks especially to my friend Jessie in A-ville! what a sweet treat in the mail!) was from my Grandma W. She signed her card this way: "Love you Bunches! Grandma W....P.S. Hope you have a Happy Birthday! Mine & GrandPA's Anniversary is the day after your birthday - What a wonderful gift you have been." You may commence balling now.

5. Perhaps it is a little too revealing to have so much of this be about food, but nonetheless, here we go. My boss/co-worker/co-laborer in the Gospel/sister in Christ bought me lunch from wherever I wanted! La Cocina was my choice. I heart rice and beans. That is all. (funny side note: if you search for La Cocina in google images, you will actually just find a lot of pictures of kitchens)

6. So, I think I'm a little bit of an anomaly. I am both shy, and, hate to be alone. So, when I get home from work in the afternoons, I am good for about ten minutes, and then I just count down the minutes til Casey gets home from work. But! Tuesday Casey had the day off, so I walked in the house and there he was! Happy birthday to me!

7. This one will be a little bit of a throwback, but we got to visit Moms & Pops the weekend before the weekend before my birthday. I didn't stutter. Twas great fun. We watched bball (Butler v. Gonzaga - arguably the best game of the season to date), ate delicioso food by Mama W., ate birthday cake, and I got a slew of snow-themed gifts (snowflake cookie cutter, snow candy decorations on my cake, snowflake-adorned ramekins). To top it off, my sister and her bf came to visit from the land of Snow-town, NC! Love you sis! And, yes, we did talk about the boy before and after you were there. I believe he is generally approved of to date. Oh the joys of family :)

8. This one was also a few days pre-birthday, but worth mentioning. State beat UNC. Or, in everyone-else-who's-talked-about-the-game-afterwards words, we "dominated." Okay, so stop your gloating, Tar holes. And thanks to my in-laws for letting us watch the game at their house! Casey and his mom are UNC-ers. His dad is a Duke fan, but I think I might have had him cheering with me that night. He did buy me a sweet State watch that you can clip onto your keys as an early bday gift. Let's go pack!

9. Back to the food -- Casey took me to my "old stompin grounds", if you will. We headed to the PW for some "Asian" food. It was DE-licious. I got a discount. And the last chocolate chip cookie they had. And saw a few old friends. And, best part, got to help a 2nd-day-on-the-job-er figure out which dish she was giving us. She thanked me profusely and I was like "No! You got it! The peanuts mean it's Kung Pao." Oh, the old days.

10. Related to #9 is one of the best parts of the day - I got to enjoy my meal in the company of Melissa, Leah, Todd, and Silas!!! I love you friends! What a treat to see you, on my real birthday and everything!

11. Casey & I were gonna watch a movie when we got home around 9. We sat down, watched about ten minutes of a a UNC bball game, and decided to go to bed instead. We are old. I love you C!

12. My number 12 great thing about my birthday was the 12 packs of spearmint chapstick that Casey bought me! It was the last gift he let me open, because he knew I would like it the most. I like it because I'm addicted to chapstick, and spearmint is my favorite flavor, and they don't sell it at Walmart here anymore, and because he bought me like a year's supply of it. But the best part of the gift is that he totally gets me. Only he knows (well, and now, all of you) exactly what flavor of chapstick I use, and how I am always complaining about it not being stocked at Walmart, and how many times a day I put it on, and how I threaten to cut him when he tries to steal it from me, and how I freak out "just a little" when I can't find it, and how delighted I would be to receive a box full of it for my birthday.

13. I was quite reflective on my 27th birthday morning. I was thinking about Roe v. Wade. I was thinking how I was born 13 years and 1 week to the date of the decision that has allowed at least 55 million legal abortions since 1973. I was thinking how I could have been one of those 55 million. If my parents had led just a little bit different of a life, had a few different friends, hadn't feared the Lord, hadn't been raised to cherish life - I could Not be here. By the grace of God, I am here. He has given me life. Wow. Thanks to God! Thanks Mom & Dad, for choosing to give me life.