Desperate

Desperate. That is the word of the week. 

Desperate for some sleep, yes. For a hot shower. For a massage maybe?

But sooo much more, desperate for God. Desperate for all of who Jesus is to be lived out in me. Desperate for the Holy Spirit's power and love and joy and peace to rule me. 

Desperate for knowledge I don't have. For energy I don't have. For love I don't have. For the fight I don't have in me. So desperate. 

But He keeps saying, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5)

Thank God. Because I am poor. It is so clear now. 

And He keeps making the kingdom show up. He keeps giving Grace. His people keep bringing food and texting at the right moment and giving advice and praying and offering living words from His word. He is sustaining. I've been Elijah out hiding in the wilderness and He keeps sending ravens to feed me.

"Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." (Psalm 81:10)

It hurts. My pride. My heart. My eyes, from crying. But He's doing surgery on my heart. And I'm trying to quit fighting Him and fight against the lies instead. The ones that say he isn't listening, or doesn't care, or is getting tired of my neediness. 

I think maybe that's really his favorite thing for me to say. "I need you. I know you are good, and I want you. Please give me you."

Even typing it, I'm afraid. That it's gonna run out -his Grace, his patience. So I'm praying this for me:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." (Romans 15:13)

Please, pray it for me, too. I'm desperate for you to keep walking with me.