"What?" I asked.
"Candy. You got some candy?" she said again as she unlocked my door from outside and opened it to step up into the van.
"No, I don't have any candy" I told her. She was now practically laying across me to look into the middle console to see if I was telling her the truth.
Seeing me putting something away in my wallet she asked, "What's that? I want some!"
I told her, "You don't even know what it is! How do you know you want any? What if it's boogers!?"
And that's about where our conversation ended, because she realized I didn't have anything she wanted.
This is a little girl I know from church. We regularly pick her and brothers and sisters up to come to our Wednesday night children's programs, or to camps with Youth for Christ. Lately, when Casey and I have driven through her neighborhood on the church van, we've only been picking up middle schoolers and high schoolers for our youth group. Every time she sees our van pull in, she comes straight to the window and asks for candy. No need for pretense---no "Hello Cristina, how are you? Good to see you." She pretty much always only wants candy. The last few times we've interacted, I've taken to telling her that it's really not nice to do this.
"You know...it's kind of rude to only ever ask people for candy."
"No, it's not nice to get into people's car without their permission."
"Listen, you may not touch my things without asking first."
"It's not kind to tell people they are mean because they won't give you candy."
"No, stop hanging on the door. We have to leave now. It's not polite to hang on people's car doors."
As she yells that we are mean and she doesn't like us---"Okay, good to see you! See you later!"
The interactions usually just make me laugh, and yes, annoy me a little. But this last time, I just kept thinking about it for several days. I started thinking God probably had a lesson somewhere in it for me. So, I've been listening and pondering.
I think my last interaction with this little friend had just had really gotten under my skin. No one likes to feel used---like a person only cares about them for what they can get out of them. The thing is---she's a beautiful and funny little girl, and I'd like to be able to carry on a conversation with her. But I can't. I go to say hello, and she says, "Candy!" We go back and forth about candy till she realizes I don't have any. Then we go back and forth about whether she can come to youth group, even though she's about 5 years too young, and then once she realizes she can't get candy and she can't come to youth group, she's done with me, and says I'm mean and she doesn't like me anyway.
I think, it just grieves me that though I'd give myself to her in relationship, she only wants to talk about candy, even though I don't have that to give to her. And so, I realize, I think I do this with my Father, too.
"God, can I have x''?"
"No, that's not what I have for you right now."
"Well, then can I have 'y'?"
"No, that's not what I have for you either."
"God, why won't you give me what I want!!" Conversation over---on my part, not His.
But, here's the reason I have hope for me, and for her. I know how I feel about her. I still have love for her. I still want a deeper relationship with her. I want to be able to talk about life and her family and her likes and dislikes and her relationship with God. And I hope maybe one day she will be ready for that. I know that when she's ready, I'll be all ears. And I know that God is always infinitely more patient and loving than I am. So if I feel that way about her, how much moreso does he have patience and love and ears for me? I know in prayer that I am probably just where this little girl is. Asking for what I want and often walking away in disappointment when I don't get it. But I trust that God is faithful enough to wait on me to grow and to start talking to Him about what He wants for me. Yup, I think He's gonna help me grow up and He's gonna keep interacting with me and showing me who He is. And one day, I'll catch up. And one day, me and my little friend are gonna have a real conversation. And hey, maybe next time I ride through her neighborhood, I'll just bring a piece of candy to offer her---IF she will have a conversation with me :)
