Not to us, O LORD, not to us, But to Your name give glory...(Psalm 115:1)

The pic is me and Sis at the Jack Johnson concert August 12th, 2008---just a couple of days before I headed out for a year of STINT (Short Term International) with Cru. I'm smiling here. Partly because I love hanging out with my sister. Partly because we're at a Jack Johnson concert and he draws an interesting array of ages/subcultures. And, I'm betting a lot of that smile also has to do with relief. Relief that I had finally reached the 100% mark for support-raising, and had packed my bags (well...I had started anyway), and I was boarding a plane in a few days.

I don't really like to think back to that summer too much, because, to be honest, a lot of it SUCKED. I had just graduated from college, aka, the spend-24-7-with-all-your-best-buds-stay-up-late-to-go-to-Cookout-for-a-milkshake-and-feel-totally-rested-the-next-morning-constant-hangout-that-I'd-called-life-for-four-years. And that is depressing enough when you are 22. Not only did I graduate, but I left Raleigh, where ALL (seemingly, anyway) of my friends still lived; where my church for the last three years was; where there were malls in every direction; where people were actually at Cookout if you decided to go at 3 A.M. Then, on top my post-college-letdown, add in the fact that I was leaving the country for a year in August, and would have to do this whole starting life over thing again. Then, remember that, as part of that whole leaving the country thing, you have to raise $1000's of dollars. My heart is beating faster. Is yours?

So, today, I was going through some books and such, and I came across my journal from that summer. Most of it, honestly, is me crying, or talking about crying, or wondering when I'm gonna stop crying...I feel bad for the girl, but I'm also like "C'mon already! Look up!" So, on Wednesday, July 23rd, a couple weeks before I was supposed to leave for E.A., and only 1 week and 1 day until I was supposed to have raised 100% of my support, here's what I wrote:

"Well, I was feeling good & light until last night in the bed [Support] Coach...called & said how I had 8 days left. That # & the number I still have left---between 13 & 14,000---to raise---caused some panic, but I want to still trust God. God I know You are able to do it all tonight if You want. I pray for You to work & for me to trust. Wisdom in what to say. Who to talk to next. Joy."

The next day, I wrote:

"7 days & $10,000 to go---it's how I'm measuring time---like all else has ceased to exist until we reach $0 to raise. But I will say the last few days have seen a good bit of $, all thanks to You Lord. I'm frustrated b/c I feel like I'm ignoring You God, for this $ & I don't quite know how to change, except to get in Your Word. Help me think on You more than this $."

So, then, apparently I read 2 Samuel 4-7 right after praying, and here's the thoughts I recorded on it:

"You have put David (from nothing) as king over Israel. So, David wants to build You a house---instead, You say "No, David I'm gonna build YOU a house."

I don't even think I connected the two when I was writing it, but looking back now it's clear as day!!! The point of that summer, and my continual failure as I depended on myself to raise the money, was to show God faithful, and myself utterly dependent on Him for life and breath and everything! I wanted so badly to build God a "house" of money that summer. 'Look God, see all the money I raised for You?' But God, thankfully, would not let me. He said 'No, Cristina, I'm gonna build YOU a house.' Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!

Six days later, Wednesday, July 30th, 2008:

"Well God, You have accomplished it. I'm not sure exactly the number we're at, but support is pretty much almost done. That is crazy---well, I guess it's really not---it's just ya know my faith is this big and YOU ARE TOO BIG TO EXPRESS."

On campus in E.A. Peace!