The sermon was a good word from Luke 24 about having high expectations of what God will do, because He's called us to do big things for Him, and He's given us big power through the Holy Spirit to accomplish that work. It was exactly what Casey & I both agreed we needed to hear, which is cool, because we had decided we couldn't go last night. We had too many things to do. But, by the end of a cold and dreary day, I was needing some encouragement big-time, and God told Casey we should go, before I ever told him I was feeling down. Isn't that cool how He works? He also told him to get me some flowers at lunchtime to cheer me up. They did. Sweet boy. I digress...
So, good sermon, like I said. But the real heart surgery was before we ever got to the sermon. We arrived to the service as they were singing together. One of the songs was "I Surrender All". And, I thought, "Really? You just won't let this go!" I mean, really, I just cannot escape what I first wrote about one week ago. The reality that God can and does demand my all. That He can take things from me. That He has a good plan. But it might hurt. I didn't want to sing the song. I don't want to surrender all. But Andrew (leading the music) said something about saying this as a declaration, and I did. It was a declaration that I will fight against my flesh that does not want to surrender, and I will acknowledge with my lips that it IS good to surrender to Jesus.
After the song, Andrew was talking about his guitar---how it has this little broken place on it that needs to be fixed, but how he's unwilling to surrender it into the hands of someone who can fix it, because he's afraid they'll mess it up. He asked, though, what if that person would not only repair it, but also give him new strings and add some other things that would make it work even better than it already does? This is where my attention was caught. He then said something which I wish I had word-for-word, because it was like a flash-of-light-I-finally-get-it moment for me, but it was something to this effect, "I think God is asking me to give things up for the sake of giving them up, but He wants me to give them up so He can fill me with His love and His power."
So, that's it. That's my problem. In this past week, I couldn't imagine that if God were to take away thing x, y, or z, that it would be anything but a painful void. I couldn't imagine that when God creates a void by taking something away, He Will fill that void with His love and His power. He will. Less of me, more of Jesus.
I wish that cleared things up, and that I didn't still have to wrestle with this. But I am (wrestling, that is). Our church is reading the Bible together and we just finished reading the story of Joseph, and now are reading the story of Job. Two men who lost everything. See, I told you God won't let this thing go with me. Everywhere I go, there it is. The good thing about them is I know the end of their stories...I know God was in control every step of the way, and had a good plan that always outwitted the plans of their enemies. If Joseph's brothers meant to kill him, God used it to preserve life for many. If satan meant for Job to end up cursing God because he lost everything, God taught Job how good He is. If God does something in my life that sends me to my knees, or on my face, and the enemy means for me to despair, I must, I must, trust that God is absolutely in control of my life, and has a good plan in it for me. He has not given me a spirit that makes me a slave again to fear, but the Spirit of adoption. I am His daughter.
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