I Want to Be Ready

I have this recurring nightmare. In the nightmare, I am getting married - only, everything is going wrong. For some reason, no one is ready for the wedding. The flowers aren't ready. The dress doesn't fit. The guests don't know when to come. Everything is being thrown together at the last minute. Everything is halfway done. Nothing is quite right. We finally get to the church, late, of course. I get hastily dressed into the ugly wedding dress that doesn't fit. I don't have any bridesmaids to help me. When I finally walk down the aisle, it's the wrong guy. I feel very anxious about marrying him. I want someone to come and rescue me from this huge mistake I'm about to make, but no one comes.

This dream made more sense to me before I actually got married, to the right guy, with the beautiful dress, the gorgeous flowers, the sweet friends around me, the guests filling the pews, the vow between me, Casey, and God to do this thing for life. So, when I kept having the dream, even after July 24th, 2010, it really perplexed me. And made Casey laugh. I mean, how silly is it to be anxious about something that's:already happened! If I'm gonna be anxious, it should probably be about something that hasn't yet happened, right?

So, last night with our church family, we looked at a parable that Jesus told in Matthew 25:1-13

"At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. the wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. the bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep. 

At midnight the cry rang out: 'Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!'

Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. the foolish ones said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.'

'No,' they replied, 'there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.'

But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut. 

Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'

But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I dont' know you.'

Therefore, keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour."

As we read this, my recurring nightmare came to mind. And I wondered if maybe I've had this dream over and over just for sake of illustrating this parable. Just so I would know the anxiety, the dread, the utter helplessness felt for those who are not ready for the Bridegroom's coming. Lord, I want to be ready! I want to be watchful. I want to be longing for my Bridegroom's return, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He. Is. Coming.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going...I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:1-4, 6)

I was buying a couple last-minute Christmas gifts at Wal-mart, pretty excited that I'd just found a short line, and then annoyed that it was still taking a long time for the one person in front of me to check out . I looked up at the tv in the nail salon and saw the red "breaking news" graphic. I read the information on the screen - "27 dead at elementary school in CT," and I thought, "Oh, this must be an old story they're talking about." But then I couldn't recall any shootings having been in Connecticut, and I realized that this was live. Real. Happening right now. "No! No...no." Waves of sickness and grief flooded over me. "Why? Freaking why? Why is this happening..again??? How are these parents gonna cope? Why all these children? Jesus!"

The person in front of me left, and the cashier asked "How are you?" and I didn't know what to say. I wanted to connect with someone, talk about how horrible this was. And then the lady behind me started putting her stuff on the conveyor belt. The nerve. And not just putting it up there, but bumping into me while she did it. And then...oh...then, she rolled her cart into me. Dilemma. I'm both sickened by this one man's sin, and fuming at this woman behind me for...what? For daring to enter my personal space? Rushing me?  Now, I was feeling sickened by my own sin. Well, that's not pretty...stuff that down, smile at the cashier as you thank her for your receipt, and walk to your car.

My sister texted me, "just heard about ct :(" as I was walking out, tears welling up in my eyes thinking about those kids, and those parents. With the text, the dam broke. The Salvation Army bell-ringer told me to have a merry Christmas and I couldn't even get a response out. Turned on the radio to listen to the details...if I keep listening to the details being repeated, maybe it will make sense. Tears streaming. The traffic coming into the parking lot was heavy and I'd parked right there at the entrance. There's  a stop sign for incoming traffic that no one ever regards, including me. But I'm in my car yelling at them "There's  a stop sign!!" Just as I yelled, a guy let me pull out in front of him. Conviction...again, here I am, angered by this shooter's horrendous sin, and in that same instant, guilty myself.

We are not good. We aren't. If we're honest, we'll all admit that. Just look at the first line of the story on CNN:

"In one of the deadliest school shootings in U.S. history, a gunman opened fire Friday in a Connecticut elementary school, killing nearly 30 people -- most of them children, a law enforcement official receiving information from the scene told CNN (emphasis mine)."

This has happened over and over and over and over and over. This is just "one of the deadliest." Things are not getting better. We are not getting better!


"The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.'
They are corrupt, their deeds are vile;
there is no one who does good.
the LORD looks down from heaven on the sons of men
to see if there are any who understand,
any who seek God.
All have turned aside,
they have together become corrupt;
there is no one who does good, not even one.
Will evildoers never learn -
those who devour my people as men eat bread
and who do not call on the LORD?
There they are, overwhelmed with dread,
for God is present in the company of the righteous.
You evildoers frustrate the plans of the poor,
but the LORD is their refuge.
Oh, that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion!
When the LORD restores the fortunes of his people,
let Jacob rejoice and Israel be glad!"

Just when you think you aren't that bad, your own heart reminds that you are guilty, just like everyone else. We need a Savior! I need a Savior! "Oh that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion!" And, thank God! Thank God it has! "...and you are to give Him the Name Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins (Matthew 1:21)." Only trust Him. "There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit (Romans 8:1-2)."