I was buying a couple last-minute Christmas gifts at Wal-mart, pretty excited that I'd just found a short line, and then annoyed that it was still taking a long time for the one person in front of me to check out . I looked up at the tv in the nail salon and saw the red "breaking news" graphic. I read the information on the screen - "27 dead at elementary school in CT," and I thought, "Oh, this must be an old story they're talking about." But then I couldn't recall any shootings having been in Connecticut, and I realized that this was live. Real. Happening right now. "No! No...no." Waves of sickness and grief flooded over me. "Why? Freaking why? Why is this happening..again??? How are these parents gonna cope? Why all these children? Jesus!"

The person in front of me left, and the cashier asked "How are you?" and I didn't know what to say. I wanted to connect with someone, talk about how horrible this was. And then the lady behind me started putting her stuff on the conveyor belt. The nerve. And not just putting it up there, but bumping into me while she did it. And then...oh...then, she rolled her cart into me. Dilemma. I'm both sickened by this one man's sin, and fuming at this woman behind me for...what? For daring to enter my personal space? Rushing me?  Now, I was feeling sickened by my own sin. Well, that's not pretty...stuff that down, smile at the cashier as you thank her for your receipt, and walk to your car.

My sister texted me, "just heard about ct :(" as I was walking out, tears welling up in my eyes thinking about those kids, and those parents. With the text, the dam broke. The Salvation Army bell-ringer told me to have a merry Christmas and I couldn't even get a response out. Turned on the radio to listen to the details...if I keep listening to the details being repeated, maybe it will make sense. Tears streaming. The traffic coming into the parking lot was heavy and I'd parked right there at the entrance. There's  a stop sign for incoming traffic that no one ever regards, including me. But I'm in my car yelling at them "There's  a stop sign!!" Just as I yelled, a guy let me pull out in front of him. Conviction...again, here I am, angered by this shooter's horrendous sin, and in that same instant, guilty myself.

We are not good. We aren't. If we're honest, we'll all admit that. Just look at the first line of the story on CNN:

"In one of the deadliest school shootings in U.S. history, a gunman opened fire Friday in a Connecticut elementary school, killing nearly 30 people -- most of them children, a law enforcement official receiving information from the scene told CNN (emphasis mine)."

This has happened over and over and over and over and over. This is just "one of the deadliest." Things are not getting better. We are not getting better!


"The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.'
They are corrupt, their deeds are vile;
there is no one who does good.
the LORD looks down from heaven on the sons of men
to see if there are any who understand,
any who seek God.
All have turned aside,
they have together become corrupt;
there is no one who does good, not even one.
Will evildoers never learn -
those who devour my people as men eat bread
and who do not call on the LORD?
There they are, overwhelmed with dread,
for God is present in the company of the righteous.
You evildoers frustrate the plans of the poor,
but the LORD is their refuge.
Oh, that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion!
When the LORD restores the fortunes of his people,
let Jacob rejoice and Israel be glad!"

Just when you think you aren't that bad, your own heart reminds that you are guilty, just like everyone else. We need a Savior! I need a Savior! "Oh that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion!" And, thank God! Thank God it has! "...and you are to give Him the Name Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins (Matthew 1:21)." Only trust Him. "There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit (Romans 8:1-2)."