Every good and perfect gift is from the Father

I love. this. man. He is one of the greatest proofs of God's grace and mercy toward me. 

Sometimes I wonder how he puts up with my seemingly-constant doubts about where I stand with God, worries about today and tomorrow, often-illogical-fears, unceasing-streams-of-tears. The tears start falling for what seems like the millionth time in a week, and I "just know" that this time he's gonna tell me to "stop it!" (see video) already, and I prepare myself for the "blow", and I ready a nasty comeback, and instead he hugs me and he listens and he opens the Bible and he points me to promises of God, and he prays for me. In that moment, I remember James 1:17 "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."

I mean, really, how can you not love this guy! He is serious as a heart attack sometimes...about the things that matter, I think. About Jesus. About loving people. About the injustice and brokenness we witness day in and day out. About truth. But he is funny! Just ask our Life Together Group about the famous "apron dance". He loves to play with kiddos, like Peter and Noah and Peyton. He's wearing Peter's awesome cowboy hat here, and apparently sad about something? He lets me make crazy faces in what are supposed to be serious pictures done by the amazing photographer Brett Carver and he sends them out to friends and family for Christmas. And gets an 8x10 for us to hang in the living room. Oh, girl, yes we did, girl. 
  

Sometimes it just hits me all at once what a blessing he is. It hit me last night as we were getting ready for bed. I started crying...again...about my own messed-up-ness. You know -- one of those days when you can almost feel or see that the enemy is battling hard against you. Every little victory is followed by another assault. But God is faithful and the Victor! And I'm just blessed by this man, this partner-in-life, brother in Christ Casey that I get to walk with, who holds my hands up so I can keep fighting. And it just flooded over me how much I don't deserve him. How little I've done that is good, that I should deserve him (ie, NOTHING), and how much I have done that should put me out of the running to "catch him". There's so much stacked against me. So much evidence that God could point to and say "There's no way you should have a godly husband."

He'd be just to refrain from giving me this gift. But He is so merciful! So compassionate! So full of grace toward me, His daughter in Christ! I came to Him with nothing but filth, and He took me, and washed me, and adopted me, and dressed me in Christ's righteousness. And he's given me such a sweet, tender-in-the-most-manly-and-awesome-sense-of-the-word, God-loving husband. 


I know. I know that Casey is just like me. Also undeserving. Also redeemed out of his own mess he'd made. I know. God has redeemed this man. God has redeemed the years stolen away by the locusts. 

I love you Casey Ray.