I love. this. man. He is one of the greatest proofs of God's grace and mercy toward me. Sometimes I wonder how he puts up with my seemingly-constant doubts about where I stand with God, worries about today and tomorrow, often-illogical-fears, unceasing-streams-of-tears. The tears start falling for what seems like the millionth time in a week, and I "just know" that this time he's gonna tell me to "stop it!" (see video) already, and I prepare myself for the "blow", and I ready a nasty comeback, and instead he hugs me and he listens and he opens the Bible and he points me to promises of God, and he prays for me. In that moment, I remember James 1:17 "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."
I mean, really, how can you not love this guy! He is serious as a heart attack sometimes...about the things that matter, I think. About Jesus. About loving people. About the injustice and brokenness we witness day in and day out. About truth. But he is funny! Just ask our Life Together Group about the famous "apron dance". He loves to play with kiddos, like Peter and Noah and Peyton. He's wearing Peter's awesome cowboy hat here, and apparently sad about something? He lets me make crazy faces in what are supposed to be serious pictures done by the amazing photographer Brett Carver and he sends them out to friends and family for Christmas. And gets an 8x10 for us to hang in the living room. Oh, girl, yes we did, girl.
Sometimes it just hits me all at once what a blessing he is. It hit me last night as we were getting ready for bed. I started crying...again...about my own messed-up-ness. You know -- one of those days when you can almost feel or see that the enemy is battling hard against you. Every little victory is followed by another assault. But God is faithful and the Victor! And I'm just blessed by this man, this partner-in-life, brother in Christ Casey that I get to walk with, who holds my hands up so I can keep fighting. And it just flooded over me how much I don't deserve him. How little I've done that is good, that I should deserve him (ie, NOTHING), and how much I have done that should put me out of the running to "catch him". There's so much stacked against me. So much evidence that God could point to and say "There's no way you should have a godly husband."
He'd be just to refrain from giving me this gift. But He is so merciful! So compassionate! So full of grace toward me, His daughter in Christ! I came to Him with nothing but filth, and He took me, and washed me, and adopted me, and dressed me in Christ's righteousness. And he's given me such a sweet, tender-in-the-most-manly-and-awesome-sense-of-the-word, God-loving husband. I know. I know that Casey is just like me. Also undeserving. Also redeemed out of his own mess he'd made. I know. God has redeemed this man. God has redeemed the years stolen away by the locusts.
On Friday I took a short trip to the Land of the Pines. 8th-seeded State was playing their first game in the NCAA tournament versus a 9-seed Temple. I thought it would be much more fun to watch the game and all 500 of the other games that would be on that day with Dad than it would be to watch them on a computer screen by myself, so I made last-minute plans, which Mom and Dad happily agreed to, and I was off.
If you watched the tournament, or any news afterwards, you know that State played a terrible game. 10 turnovers in the first half, no points from Scott Wood til 34 minutes into the game, and an 18-point deficit to recover in the second half. Well, they did recover those 18 points, but they couldn't hold on in the end. They just didn't have enough to pull out the W.
I was disappointed. I had picked them to win the first game in a couple brackets I'd filled out (no recliner for me!), and of course, I was wishing for some sort of crazy streak like they had back in '83. Dad was really disappointed. He'd watched ESPN's "30 for 30" show on the Wolfpack the other day, and he was convinced that this was the year we'd go all the way again (Never give up!). Everything was aligned just right. "Calvin" (not to be confused with C.J.) was gonna show up, Scott was gonna light up the 3's, Howell was gonna do his normal amazing, but quiet, thing and get a million rebounds and put-back's. But it all crumbled in just 40 minutes.
In the post-game conference, the press peppered seniors Scott Wood and Richard Howell with questions, demanding answers for how a preseason #6 team, picked to win their conference, could not only lose this game, but do so by playing with seemingly no emotion. People had been counting on them. "What happened?!" Wood, Howell, and Coach Mark Gottfried expressed their own disappointment, and then quickly moved onto the hopes they have for next year's team. This one failed, yes, but next year---well next year's team will be left in good hands. Scott was confident in Coach's leadership, and in the crew of young men he and Howell would leave behind. Yeah----next year---that's the year.
Coverage switched back to the other games being played. Who else would be upset that day? Which teams had the gumption to push through to the final game? And, as I watched hours upon hours of basketball, and team after team get knocked out---many players, especially seniors, crying with heads buried under towels, refusing to shake hands with their opponents---and hope after hope dashed, I thought, "This is not so unlike reading through the book of Kings."
In the book of Kings (1 and 2 Kings, really) we read account after account of the kings of Israel and Judah. With each new king, you are filled with a sense of hope, and you think, "Is this the one?? Will this be the one to lead the people in following God wholeheartedly? Will this be the one God said would come and set His people free?" And some of them start out so well. Smashing down false idols. Teaching the Law to the people. Gathering the nation to consecrate themselves to the LORD anew. "Walking in the way of their father David". But, at the end of each account is disappointment. Even those kings who seemed most devoted to following the LORD end up failing. They enter into an unlawful alliance and forget to depend on God. They marry a woman they're forbidden to marry and they start worshiping her false gods. They refuse to humble themselves before God, and they die stubborn and hard-hearted. And, enter the next king, repeat the cycle. How depressing, right!? Unless...
Unless you already know that there's no hope in man. Or basketball teams. Even the best king, or the best run through the NCAA tournament, will satisfy for only a moment. That king will die. That team will graduate, or fail miserably next year. And then what? No, those things fade. But, there is a King who has come, and is coming again. That King will never die. He defeated death!! He is our hope. He is our peace. He is our heart's desire. He is everything we've wanted. He is forever. He is good. He is Jesus, the Christ.
For the past few weeks, the world has been all abuzz with the search for a new pope (and, I imaginge, will continue to be for a few more weeks, given the recent selection of Pope Francis). Who will it be? What will be his character qualities? How will he compare and contrast to the church leaders before him? How will he deal with the scandals that have rocked the Catholic church in recent times?
Now, for the many, many people who identify as Catholic in this country, and in the whole world, I totally get the buzz, the excitement, even the nervousness, about who would be selected as the next Pope. For believers who would identify with a Protestant tradition, the buzz makes a little less sense to me. But, for unbelievers, which I would guess is the majority in this country, and the majority in the world, why on earth would you care who the next Pope is?
Well, I have a theory. My theory is, well, it's actually not a theory. It's just Romans 1. Verse 19-20 of Romans 1 says, "since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." All of us know there is a God. It's obvious. All of us want to know Him. The Pope is supposed to know Him, and to speak His Word to the people. People care who the Pope is, even if they don't want to listen to what he says, once he's chosen and starts speaking God's Word (Exhibit A - an atheist explains how God's truth is unchanging despite human opinion - below).
Romans 1 goes on to say that "For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and bird and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts...They exchanged the truth of God for a lie...He gave them over to a depraved mind to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness...they invent ways of doing evil...Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. (Romans 1:21-23, 24a, 25a, 28b, 29a, 30b[?], 32).
People also care who the mayor of their city is. The mayor is supposed to do the right thing for the city, and take care of the people. People care so much that they go stand in line and mark a piece of paper to help select who the mayor will be, even if they don't want to listen to what he says, once he's chosen and starts making decisions for the people of the city.
I'm sure you've heard all the fuss about the New York City sugary drink ban, that would make it illegal to sell some sugary drinks over 16 oz in certain restaurants, with the goal of helping curb the growing trend of obesity among adults and children in the city. People are pissed. Here's some examples from the CNN Money article on the topic:
"The super-sized drinks ban is just the latest in a series of Bloomberg
administration regulations targeted at public health, including banning
trans fats and the required posting of calorie counts."
"Critics have decried the rules as a sign of the growing "nanny-state" and an unfair intrusion on personal freedom."
"In a statement, the National Association of Theatre Owners said the ban
had been "all about power" and lauded the rejection of an attempt to
"unilaterally tell New Yorkers what to drink and where to drink it."
" 'I don't care how much soda people drink, there are bigger issues in
this city than people drinking sugar, having more than two sugars in
their coffee,' he said. 'I mean, look around us. Isn't there more that
our mayor can concentrate on than sugar?' "
"The opponents argued that the city had overstepped its authority. Among
other things, they said, the rules would disproportionately hurt small
and minority-owned businesses."
So, let me get this straight? The mayor saw a problem with obesity among his people, and he decided he would come up with some solutions to help people struggling with this problem. He told restaurants to start posting calorie counts, and to stop using trans fat. The nerve! Then, he actually decided to try to restrict the amount of sugary drinks people were drinking. Who does he think he is!?! It's like he thinks people chose him as their representative, to make decisions for the common good. Oh, wait...
Here's the thing. I know the mayor of NYC is the not the same as God. But, the rebellious people pissed about being told they should drink and eat fewer things that will end up killing them ARE the same rebellious people who are pissed about being told what they should do with their lives. The people of NYC don't want to be told when and where and how they can eat and drink. They resist this so much that they are willing to take a sugary-drink-ban to court to get it overturned. So much that they will try to deflect the real issue by asking if there's not "more that
our mayor can concentrate on than sugar?" So much that they will distract by claiming, true or not, that this ban "would disproportionately hurt small
and minority-owned businesses." The people of NYC are on the witness stand, and the prosecutor is asking them whether they are taking care of their bodies - whether or not this overindulgence in sugary drinks is going to hurt them, maybe even kill them, eventually. And all they can do is yell, "Hey look over there! That other guy is a racist. He is an oppressor. He's just a dictator!" The prosecutor, more sternly this time, repeats the question: Are you, or are you not, engaging in behaviors that are destroying your bodies??"
Is this not just one tiny picture of us, in general? Are we not ALWAYS doing this? Always hiding our flaws - our sins- behind the wrongs, perceived or real, of another? Aren't we Really always trying to blame God for our shortcomings? "If God hadn't made me this way, I wouldn't be doing _________....If God would just give me ______________, then I wouldn't keep doing ____________. If God would just ____________, then I would be happy." But the truth about God, and how we should approach Him is in Psalm 119:68 "You are good and do good; teach me your statutes."
God is good.
He knows what we need.
He is able to provide it.
He is willing to provide it.
Trust in Him alone.
I was talking with a friend the other day about our mutual struggle with "being down", or depressed, or discouraged - sometimes just for a day, sometimes for a stretch of days. As we discussed what we think leads us into those times, and how exactly we feel during them, and how we cope with them once we find ourselves there, we were noticing how we've both been duped by several lies.
We tend to believe we are the only ones who have ever felt the way we feel. We have believed that if we were to admit our struggles to a friend, they would either not understand us, they would shrug it off as not that big of a deal, or they would feel that we were once again burdening them with our problems. Though we both agreed that we do not feel that way when our friends admit their struggles to us (unless we're just being total jerks, which is perhaps another post), we still believed they would feel that way about us, because we have also believed the lie that we are more messed up or more "needy" than everyone else, as evidenced by our continual struggle with the same problem, and thus, our very presence with our friends is a burden. So, instead of confessing our struggles, and our sins , we remain silent (I am not calling discouragement/depression/"being down" a sin, but I do know that at some point---and I am not speaking for anyone else, just Me---I do not put my faith in God, but listen to the voice of the enemy/the world/my flesh instead. When this point comes, I am indeed guilty of the sin of unbelief. And, I am becoming more convinced that God is using this discouragement to train me for battle. Will I have faith in Him when I do not feel like it, and cannot see Him? Lord, grow me up! I believe Lord, help my unbelief!).
By remaining silent, we are missing out on SO much, which I'm sure is why the enemy/the world/our flesh resists us opening our mouths.
Psalm 32
3 For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah
5 I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,"
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
When we keep silent, This is what we're missing out on.
1 John
1:6 If we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
2:1 My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin, but if anyone does sin, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the Righteous.
When we keep silent, This is what we're missing out on.
James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
When we keep silent, This is what we're missing out on.
2 Corinthians 2
8 We do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by your prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.
When we keep silent, This is what we're missing out on.
Psalm 32
6 Therefore, let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach Him.
7 You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah
I love you Casey Ray.
