I don't run unless I'm being chased

For the past 28 years, this has been the case: I do not run unless I'm being chased. I did run during softball, but I'll argue that I was technically being chased by the person throwing the ball to get me out. Running for P.E. class also counts as being chased --- chased by time, and the threat of an "F" if I did not complete the mile or dreaded 2 1/2 mile runs. In fact, I did fail the 2 1/2 mile run, but somehow still managed to get an "A" in P.E. That didn't stop me from crying in the gym afterwards (I didn't know that I wasn't really going to fail my class. In hindsight, I've decided it was only a threat to ensure that we actually TRIED to run the 2 1/2 miles under a certain amount of time---would have been nice if someone had told me that pre-sob-fest).

You can see that running and I don't have a good history. It's funny because my dad has run for longer than I've been alive, and I've inherited enough of his old race tshirts that I could probably wear a different one every day of the year. I've been such a poser---wearing tshirts from races that happened before I was even born. People start talking to me about running and I have to admit that I just like old tshirts, not running. That is, until a couple weeks ago.

Casey and I have a friend who runs in ultramarathons. I'm not sure why anyone would do that to themselves, but I have enough quirks that I'll let this one of his slide. Anyhow, he mentioned that he had a beginner's guide to running that we could try out. So, Casey started talking about buying some new running shoes...for a few months. He talked about it so much that I started to have strange thoughts about actually participating with him in this ridiculous venture. For his birthday, Casey actually got some money to buy shoes and he put it to use right away. Not to be outdone, I went and bought some running shoes myself. All our talk, and now we had the shoes...the only thing left was to actually follow through and start running.

We told several friends about what we were planning, and wore our new shoes. Sometimes it's good to let others in like this, because it keeps you motivated to follow through. The first day we ran for a minute and walked for 2 (repeat 10x). It wasn't fun, but it wasn't as terrible as I'd imagined. I survived - check. The second week you switch things up and run for two minutes and walk 1 (repeat 10x). The first day we did this, I thought I was going to die.

I decided by the second minute of running that I was just not going to do this plan anymore. My lungs hurt and my legs hurt and I kept sneezing (I keep telling people I'm allergic to exercise!). Casey kept talking to me and I didn't have the breath or energy to talk to him while running. I spent every minute of walking trying to remember how to breathe, only to find that it was time to run again before I'd really caught up. I told myself "Just get to the 5th rep and you can quit", but by the time I got to the fifth running stint, my stubbornness was kicking in. I didn't want to be a quitter.

I remember just where I was on the track when I realized the irony of what was happening. Here I was, my calf muscles killing me! My abs were hurting because I decided to be cool and try pilates earlier that day. My chest was burning. I was sweating profusely...on purpose. I started thinking how this is just what I've been learning about suffering and pain and discipline. People don't knowingly enter into pain and sweat and exhaustion...unless the benefit they will receive outweighs those discomforts.

See, I've been struggling with why God not only allows, but sends, frustrations into my life. "Why does it have to be this way God???" I have been asking him. And the irony was not lost on me on the track. Here I was, knowingly putting myself through physical pain, because I wanted the benefit of discipline and health in my life. If even I can see that, can't God see my whole life and what things need to be in it in order for me to grow? Can't I trust the infinite, timeless, good, loving God to send even pain and suffering into my life because He knows the benefits far outweigh the discomforts? Can't I trust a God who not only promises to bring all suffering to an end one day, but who Himself has gone before me into suffering, knowing the joy that was set before Him as He endured the cross for me and all who trust in His Name and work? Yes, He is trustworthy. Yes, He is wise. Yes, He is loving.

O my soul, trust Him.