This House Ain't Big Enough For You! SO GET OUT! {The tale of a couple + an unwanted house guest}

SO

Home Not Home

Strangers and aliens. Sojourners and exiles. That's been a recurring theme these past few months. Part of the reason this place is so dang hard is because it's not home. The good news is we do have a home, and we are going there. Soon.

When this phrase, "strangers and aliens", first gripped me it was in 1 Peter 2:11, where Peter reminds the believers scattered because of persecution that they are strangers and aliens in this world, so they should live like they are waiting on home and not try to get too comfy in a place they aren't made for anyway.

I've taken much solace from the fact that this broken place isn't the final destination. On the days when everything seems to be going wrong, I can remember that, as my friend Andrew says, "This world is fading, along with it's promises...and you who've held out hope will rise into His arms."

Last night, in our Life Together Group, we read Ephesians 2 together and this familiar phrase struck me in a new way. Paul is reminding the Gentile readers that they used to be excluded from the people and the promises of God, but now because of Jesus, they are "no longer strangers and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household (v. 19)."

So, they used to be strangers and aliens to God and His people. Now, they are strangers and aliens to the world. One way or another, we are going to be strangers and aliens. The issue is to whom will we choose to belong? I know where I wanna land.

"Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper
in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked." (Psalm 84:10)

If feeling at home on earth means being cut off from you God, forget it! I would rather just stand at your door for one day than to feel cozy here on earth forever. "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." (Psalm 84:5)

I'll leave it with this quote from Gregg Allison I found as I looked up that 1 Peter verse on strangers and aliens (or, as some translations say, "sojourners and exiles"):

"...the church, living in the boundary epoch between the two advents of Jesus Christ, is composed of people who live their short (earthly) lives away from their home for the purpose of being on mission for and with God." 

What a beautiful truth! We are not home. Not in this world. God is our home, and though we aren't as fully with Him as we will be one day, even now He's given us His Spirit as a deposit  guaranteeing our inheritance. Just like Jesus left home to come to earth and lived on mission for and with God, He now enables us to do the same for this short time (70, maybe 80 years, as Psalm 90 says) we have on earth. What a privilege! That we could be made like Jesus in that way staggers the mind.

So I'm praying with the psalmist:

"Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)

 

Trial + Steadfastness = Joy

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-3, emphasis mine)

Tams is learning James and quoted these verses to me Wednesday. And the word steadfastness jumped out. It's been appearing quite frequently lately. Most prominently in Psalm 5:7

But I, through the abundance of your steadfast love,    will enter your house.I will bow down toward your holy temple    in the fear of you.

God's love for His people is steadfast. Because God is steadfast. And good thing, because we sure are fickle. I have recently been enjoying the fact that no mater my shortcomings, God steadfastly loves me. Because He is God, and He has set His love on me in Jesus, and He does not change. 

James says we should count trials joy because that testing of our faith produces steadfastness. Trials create steadfastness in us. Steadfastness -- the very character of God. What?! What a privilege that God would grant that we mere creatures could experience what He experiences when He is steadfast. 

I don't want trials. Because they are harddd. But I do want more of God. If He ordains that more of Him right now means trials that cause me to have more of Him, then I will count it joy.

Winter, Spring, Summer, Or Fall

{There's a painting my mom's mom made of this one scene throughout the four seasons. It sits on a mantle in their living room, and I've always been drawn to it. I think our hearts are made to resonate with this sort of thing---a tree weathering the changes it experiences in winter, spring, summer, and fall. In fact, this post is largely inspired by this sermon that I listened to this morning on just that. Go check it out.}

That first crisply cool September morning...ah...I could just drink it in, I think. I feel like I can breathe better that morning than on any other morning. The first one happened just a couple weeks ago. I went out early in the morning, just as the sun was coming up, and I stood on the front porch barefoot, just to feel the cold under me. I inhaled---deep---fresh. "Yes, fall is here."

Historically, fall has always been my favorite season. The cool air. The clothes. The football. And the leaves---the colors of the leaves make my heart ache in that good kind of way! The food---pumpkins and apple cider and all things yummy that come at Thanksgiving. And that smallest little possibility that in the middle of North Carolina, on a just-the-right-temperature-day, there could be snow. It's a time of reprieve from the heat of summer, and a time of anticipation---of snow, of Christmas, of the next year not too far in the distance.

If you made me pick a season today, I'd say fall. But...then, I love winter, too. I mean...snow. That's all you really need to know. I love the way things get all frozen over when it gets really cold. I love seeing your breath when you stand outside talking in the morning. I love warm coffee on a cold morning. I love fireplaces. I love cinnamon. I love pretty lights everywhere. And, hello, I made my grand entrance into the world mid-winter! What's not to love about that? But, winter-lover that I am, by about February, I'm longing for Spring.

Spring is just bursting with new life! The flowers just explode! What kind of joy is better than seeing that first tree bloom after a long, cold winter? Doesn't it make your heart leap inside you? There's so much promise---so much hope being realized. The winter has passed. Things begin to thaw. We were made for spring. My favorite line in a book I love called Notes From The Tiltawhirl is this one where he talks about dear family members who have died. He talks about graveyards as gardens. Many seeds planted; waiting. The resurrection, he says---well, it's gonna be "a glorious spring." I can't drive past a cemetery these days without longing for that Spring. But you know, even Spring has its chilly days...even Spring gives way to Summer.

Summer is warmth. Light. Verdant. And Summer is coming. One day we'll have no need for a sun because the LORD Himself will be our light! That FULL life is coming. I long for that full life to be here now.

How can I pick a favorite season, now, I wonder? Maybe I don't have to. Maybe, He really has made everything beautiful in its time. Maybe, I was always meant to enjoy Him in all of the seasons. Maybe, each season has been appointed for a different purpose---and the One thing that remains the same throughout the seasons is God. I think,maybe, I am growing up. Learning to walk with God in the seasons of life that I am enjoying, and the ones that I don't yet feel ready for. Lately, I feel a bit like a little child who is still enjoying summer, and isn't yet ready for fall---pouting because the warm temperatures and the poolside days are gone for another year. I mean, we'd all like to have it only be the way we want it all the time. But God knows what we need. He really is good. And He really is using all things to work together for the good of those who love him and called according to His purpose---to make us like Jesus. Man, I just want to enjoy Him. In every season. Even the next one that I am a little afraid to enter. He'll be there.

My Stronghold

Casey and I were thinking and talking a lot on the word stronghold last week. We were feeling the weight of strongholds in our lives, and in the lives of many people we love. Sometimes we look around and feel hopeless because we see ourselves falling into the same traps over and over. Stuck in the same habits, believing the same lies, struggling with the same sins.

At the same time that we were feeling the weight of that word "stronghold", I was also reading through a few psalms, and noticing the way that David continually refers to God as His stronghold. I thought, "Could this word actually have a good connotation?"

Surely, David was a man who knew what it was like to struggle with the same things for a long time. He spent a good portion of his life running away. From Saul, from his sons, and in a season of rebellion, even from God's voice in his life (see: adultery and murder). He knew what a stronghold of sin looked like - in his own life, and in the lives of those he loved (Saul, Amnon, Absalom). And, he came to realize that the only safe stronghold to hide in was God:

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)

He acknowledged that there were strongholds he could not defeat on his own (boy, that sounds familiar):

He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. (Psalm 18:17)

He who took refuge in God, his stronghold:

This God—his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. (Psalm 18:30)

And he learned to keep fighting from within the stronghold of God's power:

He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. (Psalm 18:34)

And, these promises are for us, too. For me, and all who take refuge in our stronghold Jesus, Son of David, Son of God:

Great salvation he brings to his king, and shows steadfast love to his anointed, to David and his offspring forever. (Psalm 18:50)

"You got some candy?"

"Candy," was all she said, and serious as could be.

"What?" I asked.

"Candy. You got some candy?" she said again as she unlocked my door from outside and opened it to step up into the van.

"No, I don't have any candy" I told her. She was now practically laying across me to look into the middle console to see if I was telling her the truth.

Seeing me putting something away in my wallet she asked, "What's that? I want some!"

I told her, "You don't even know what it is! How do you know you want any? What if it's boogers!?"

And that's about where our conversation ended, because she realized I didn't have anything she wanted.

This is a little girl I know from church. We regularly pick her and brothers and sisters up to come to our Wednesday night children's programs, or to camps with Youth for Christ. Lately, when Casey and I have driven through her neighborhood on the church van, we've only been picking up middle schoolers and high schoolers for our youth group. Every time she sees our van pull in, she comes straight to the window and asks for candy. No need for pretense---no "Hello Cristina, how are you? Good to see you." She pretty much always only wants candy. The last few times we've interacted, I've taken to telling her that it's really not nice to do this.

"You know...it's kind of rude to only ever ask people for candy."

"No, it's not nice to get into people's car without their permission."

"Listen, you may not touch my things without asking first."

"It's not kind to tell people they are mean because they won't give you candy."

"No, stop hanging on the door. We have to leave now. It's not polite to hang on people's car doors."

As she yells that we are mean and she doesn't like us---"Okay, good to see you! See you later!"

The interactions usually just make me laugh, and yes, annoy me a little. But this last time, I just kept thinking about it for several days. I started thinking God probably had a lesson somewhere in it for me. So, I've been listening and pondering.

I think my last interaction with this little friend had just had really gotten under my skin. No one likes to feel used---like a person only cares about them for what they can get out of them. The thing is---she's a beautiful and funny little girl, and I'd like to be able to carry on a conversation with her. But I can't. I go to say hello, and she says, "Candy!" We go back and forth about candy till she realizes I don't have any. Then we go back and forth about whether she can come to youth group, even though she's about 5 years too young, and then once she realizes she can't get candy and she can't come to youth group, she's done with me, and says I'm mean and she doesn't like me anyway.

I think, it just grieves me that though I'd give myself to her in relationship, she only wants to talk about candy, even though I don't have that to give to her. And so, I realize, I think I do this with my Father, too.

"God, can I have x''?"

"No, that's not what I have for you right now."

"Well, then can I have 'y'?"

"No, that's not what I have for you either."

"God, why won't you give me what I want!!" Conversation over---on my part, not His.

But, here's the reason I have hope for me, and for her. I know how I feel about her. I still have love for her. I still want a deeper relationship with her. I want to be able to talk about life and her family and her likes and dislikes and her relationship with God. And I hope maybe one day she will be ready for that. I know that when she's ready, I'll be all ears. And I know that God is always infinitely more patient and loving than I am. So if I feel that way about her, how much moreso does he have patience and love and ears for me? I know in prayer that I am probably just where this little girl is. Asking for what I want and often walking away in disappointment when I don't get it. But I trust that God is faithful enough to wait on me to grow and to start talking to Him about what He wants for me. Yup, I think He's gonna help me grow up and He's gonna keep interacting with me and showing me who He is. And one day, I'll catch up. And one day, me and my little friend are gonna have a real conversation. And hey, maybe next time I ride through her neighborhood, I'll just bring a piece of candy to offer her---IF she will have a conversation with me :)

I don't run unless I'm being chased

For the past 28 years, this has been the case: I do not run unless I'm being chased. I did run during softball, but I'll argue that I was technically being chased by the person throwing the ball to get me out. Running for P.E. class also counts as being chased --- chased by time, and the threat of an "F" if I did not complete the mile or dreaded 2 1/2 mile runs. In fact, I did fail the 2 1/2 mile run, but somehow still managed to get an "A" in P.E. That didn't stop me from crying in the gym afterwards (I didn't know that I wasn't really going to fail my class. In hindsight, I've decided it was only a threat to ensure that we actually TRIED to run the 2 1/2 miles under a certain amount of time---would have been nice if someone had told me that pre-sob-fest).

You can see that running and I don't have a good history. It's funny because my dad has run for longer than I've been alive, and I've inherited enough of his old race tshirts that I could probably wear a different one every day of the year. I've been such a poser---wearing tshirts from races that happened before I was even born. People start talking to me about running and I have to admit that I just like old tshirts, not running. That is, until a couple weeks ago.

Casey and I have a friend who runs in ultramarathons. I'm not sure why anyone would do that to themselves, but I have enough quirks that I'll let this one of his slide. Anyhow, he mentioned that he had a beginner's guide to running that we could try out. So, Casey started talking about buying some new running shoes...for a few months. He talked about it so much that I started to have strange thoughts about actually participating with him in this ridiculous venture. For his birthday, Casey actually got some money to buy shoes and he put it to use right away. Not to be outdone, I went and bought some running shoes myself. All our talk, and now we had the shoes...the only thing left was to actually follow through and start running.

We told several friends about what we were planning, and wore our new shoes. Sometimes it's good to let others in like this, because it keeps you motivated to follow through. The first day we ran for a minute and walked for 2 (repeat 10x). It wasn't fun, but it wasn't as terrible as I'd imagined. I survived - check. The second week you switch things up and run for two minutes and walk 1 (repeat 10x). The first day we did this, I thought I was going to die.

I decided by the second minute of running that I was just not going to do this plan anymore. My lungs hurt and my legs hurt and I kept sneezing (I keep telling people I'm allergic to exercise!). Casey kept talking to me and I didn't have the breath or energy to talk to him while running. I spent every minute of walking trying to remember how to breathe, only to find that it was time to run again before I'd really caught up. I told myself "Just get to the 5th rep and you can quit", but by the time I got to the fifth running stint, my stubbornness was kicking in. I didn't want to be a quitter.

I remember just where I was on the track when I realized the irony of what was happening. Here I was, my calf muscles killing me! My abs were hurting because I decided to be cool and try pilates earlier that day. My chest was burning. I was sweating profusely...on purpose. I started thinking how this is just what I've been learning about suffering and pain and discipline. People don't knowingly enter into pain and sweat and exhaustion...unless the benefit they will receive outweighs those discomforts.

See, I've been struggling with why God not only allows, but sends, frustrations into my life. "Why does it have to be this way God???" I have been asking him. And the irony was not lost on me on the track. Here I was, knowingly putting myself through physical pain, because I wanted the benefit of discipline and health in my life. If even I can see that, can't God see my whole life and what things need to be in it in order for me to grow? Can't I trust the infinite, timeless, good, loving God to send even pain and suffering into my life because He knows the benefits far outweigh the discomforts? Can't I trust a God who not only promises to bring all suffering to an end one day, but who Himself has gone before me into suffering, knowing the joy that was set before Him as He endured the cross for me and all who trust in His Name and work? Yes, He is trustworthy. Yes, He is wise. Yes, He is loving.

O my soul, trust Him.

On Having Open Hands

Our church family has been traveling through the book of James. This past Sunday we were in James 4:13-17, and Brett led us through "How to Plan for the Future". This particular word was timely for Casey and me in area of parenthood.

See, we will have been married four years this July (Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, right?). And lots of people have asked us if we want to have children, really since before we even got married. And we always answer with something to the effect of "Yes, whenever God decides is good". And we have believed this to some extent, but I think we've become more convinced in these past couple years how true this really is.

Lots of people get married, wait a few years, decide they want to have children, and get pregnant. You could be lured into thinking that childbearing is something you just decide is good, and then work your way there, so to speak. Like flicking on a light-switch. But, I guess, we've learned that it's just not the case. We aren't in control. Brett reminded us of this Sunday. "Don't presume anything---you aren't in control" (see James 4:13-14).

The reality is that our plans to have children by now apparently are not God's plans, because it hasn't happened. Brett told us Sunday "we think our life is long and we plan that way". We imagine a good long life and where we think each little piece of it should go. In reality, we are a mist, and we don't even get to know how long our life will be. We are tempted to try to figure that out by looking at someone else's story---and boy have we done that. It's difficult not to compare yourself to your friends, your family, people you admire, and wonder "Why don't we have what they have?" But Brett reminded us that we cannot live by human understanding---our own understanding put us at the center, but God may have better plans for us than we can imagine that will ultimately bring Him more glory than we can imagine (check out Proverbs 3:5-6)!

Last night, Casey and I talked about our desire to have children. And, in fact, our grief over what we've lost. In some sense, a dream has died. We imagined life to be one way, but that picture we had has crumpled. We imagined where we'd be by now, but we're not there. We can continue to hang onto that, and we can become bitter over what God has not given us, or we can let that dream die and hope in the God of the resurrection who can redeem the most broken things, bring life where there is none, and bring great glory to His name through our lives.

We sometimes think we know what would be best, but we're wrong. God knows best what we need. He has made us many promises, but one that is special to us is Psalm 84:11 "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly." No good thing. 

We can trust God. He is good. He loves us. He is our Father. In Luke 12 Jesus tells us that we can live life free of worry because our heavenly Father knows all that we need and will provide it. To back this claim up, He actually promises something much greater---He tells us to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Luke 12:31), knowing that it is our Father's good pleasure to give us the kingdom (Luke 12:32). He says as we seek this kingdom that He delights to give us, all the rest will be taken care of. So, we walk forward with open hands, seeking Him, and trusting that He will fill our hands again.

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) - a happy birthday tribute to Dannilee

Hey Sis. You know, today is a special day in the world for those of us blessed to know you. It's birthday #26 for you. 26 years of us being different because we've known you.

I love that these are the first pictures I found of you. Your expressions are classic Danielle. #1: "Okay, I'll try to smile, but take the picture fast." #2: "Why are you still trying to take the picture?" #3: "Seriously, why?" Or, at least that's what I imagine you thinking. Truthfully, while we are alike in many of our quirks, in some ways you are a mystery to me.

I've always been a little envious of your boldness to say what you are thinking; to take the proverbial road less traveled. You aren't afraid to try something different (blue hair in high school? a nose ring? college 3 hours away? living on your own? considering moving to Seattle?), and I honestly admire that. Not to mention how crazy talented you are.

I remember you drawing Mickey Mouse over and over. I knew that I liked to doodle, but I realized even then that you were in a league beyond me. You have an eye for beautiful things and you capture them in your paintings and drawings. I love to see your creativity come to life, even in the way you organize your apartment (even in your OCD tendencies---"must stack papers on table just so..."). Some of my most prized possessions are the paintings you've done for me. I feel I have a little piece of you hanging on my wall. And that's another thing---I love the way you give your love to people.

You seem to love many people that some would say aren't very loveable. That's a beautiful thing. To see past someone's flaws and love them inspite of themselves. I know you've done that with me. There are many things, as your sister, I would go back in time and do differently. Alas, I can't. But you love me still. Thank you for that. You're a feisty little lady --- don't even try to say you aren't, but sometimes I am overcome to see your compassion pour over onto someone in need. Like how Mom told me that you held her hand that morning she was in pain after knee surgery and she couldn't take medicine yet. You just sat there and held her hand while it hurt, and it made me cry happy tears to think of you.

You are a beautiful woman. Beautiful. I love you so. Here's to many more years of getting to know you.

"i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear..."

from [i carry your heart with me (i carry it in] by E.E. Cummings

"Do I Have To Go To Church To Be A Christian?"

image from www.paultripp.com

No, you don't have to go to church to become a Christian. We know that becoming a Christian---an adopted son or daughter of God---is a the free gift of God (Romans 6:23); totally by grace, not by works. This is great news, since every "good deed" we try to do is only filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6) before Holy God! So, maybe we are focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of debating whether or not you can be a Christian without being part of a local body, let's just consider it this way: "If you are a follower of Jesus, why would you NOT want to be with the people of God?" Or, we can look at the flip side of that question, "Why would you WANT to be with the people of God?"

Historically, I have always thought this was a pretty straightforward issue. Hebrews 10:24-25 makes it pretty clear to me that we are not to "give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing". Bam! Enough said for me. Strangely enough, though, I've run into quite a few people who I believe love God, and they have even read the Bible, but they feel that this issue is not that important to them personally. Well, this morning I believe God is shedding new light on the matter for me, and I thought I'd share it with you.

You might be familiar with chapter 2 of James, where the half-brother of Jesus and early leader of the church reminds Christians that we can't simply hear the Word and think that makes us okay, but we must do the Word, or else our faith is in vain. In other words, if your life is not transformed by the Word you hear, then your faith is not working (pun intended?). I listened to a sermon on this portion of Scripture yesterday and the teacher fleshed it out, saying if we study alone, we will most likely do one of two things: 1. we will think that just because we studied something, we are now transformed and applying it to our lives, or 2. we will forget what we've studied and it will bear no fruit in our lives. This teaching collided with my morning reading of Mark 2:1-5 today.

In Mark 2:1-5, Jesus is teaching in this super-crowded room. A paralytic man wants to get to Jesus to be healed, but there's no way in the room, so his friends go up on the roof, dig a hole in the clay, and lower the man through to reach Jesus. Pretty awesome. We're going to be looking at this story in our Campus Life Middle School small groups Tuesday, and discussing how we need help from people.I was thinking of an example I could give in my own life of this truth, and I started thinking "Well, I needed people to teach me how to grow in my relationship with Jesus when I first started following Him." Then I realized, I actually still need this. I need people to help me figure out how to walk with God through this season of life, too. I was trying to think of conversations I'd had about that, and instead, I could only think of a lot of books I've read about following Jesus.

Books are awesome. I love books. Come to my house and see them all if you doubt me. And reading a book is like having a conversation with the author, but the problem is, there's no give-and-take. I hear what they say, but they can't hear my questions or my thoughts on the subject. They can't tell if I misunderstood something, so they can't clarify when I wander down a crazy trail of thought. So, I realized I need to apply the sermon from yesterday to this.

I should read books. But I shouldn't stop there, because if I do, I'm liable to 1. think just because I know what to do, I'm doing it, or 2. forget everything I read and be no better off than I was prior to reading. So, I should read books, and watch sermons online, and listen to sermons in the car, and then I should share with my church family (my husband, our Life Together Group, a sister on a Sunday night, a friend at YFC, etc.) what I am learning so that iron can sharpen iron, mistaken ideas can be challenged, life application can be considered, and accountability can take place. The author of the book and the teacher of the sermon don't know me! They are faithful to sow the Word, but the people who see me week in and week out---they are the ones who are gonna help me walk out the Word. They are the ones who know my struggles and strengths. They are the ones who see where I need to apply truth, and can call me out when I'm not doing that! I need the church. And so do you.

So, no, we don't have to go to church to be a Christian, but we aren't gonna be a very fruitful Christian without the church. I don't know about you, but I desperately want to bear some fruit for Jesus!

Mice & Stoves & Hearts

The Stove

A few weeks ago our friend was over and I heard this rustling sound coming from the kitchen. I thought maybe something just shifted and I ignored it. A few minutes later I heard the sound again...hoping it was only my imagination, I once again ignored it. The third time, there was no denying it. A creature was in our midst. The three of us all walked slowly and softly into the kitchen, where we could hear something stirring---possibly in the stove. Ugh. As any normal person would do, I ran up to the stove screaming, hoping to give the small mammal a heart attack and thus not have to go buy traps. It didn't work. We could not find the little guy then and didn't see any signs of him for the next week or so. It had been super cold and then warmed a little, so we thought maybe he'd gone back outside.

Unfortunately, a few days later, we noticed...um...evidence that Mickey was indeed still visiting. And then one morning while Casey was in the downstairs bathroom, he saw Mickey run under the door and then up into a crack under the sink cabinet. Talk about heart attacks!!! We bought some traps and the rest is history. Mickey won't be visiting anymore.

So...I thought I'd cleaned up pretty much every area Mickey had visited while staying with us, but then I went to put away a couple cookie sheets in the drawer under the stove, and I thought I saw some...evidence...again, and decided to thoroughly clean the drawer. While I had the drawer pulled out to clean it, I noticed that I could see under the stove. The little bit I could see looked about like how you would imagine the underneath of a stove looks...disgusting. So I thought maybe I should pull the drawer all the way out. I did.

3 hours later I woke up on the floor after having fainted at the sight and smell. Okay, maybe not quite. But I seriously did want to throw up. If you've never cleaned underneath a stove that approximately 5 million people have used before you, I don't even know if I can recommend you do it! It's that disgusting. Amongst whatever death was under there, I also found 5 bottle caps, a pear magnet, a fork, and a Bojangle's name tag. Score. At least we know one good person lived here before us. The urge to just put the drawer back and pretend like I didn't know what was under there was strong. I DID NOT want to touch anything down there. But I also knew I wouldn't be able to un-know what was lurking right underneath my nose that whole time. I had a new understanding of the phrase "Ignorance is bliss." But I was no longer ignorant.

So I pulled out my gloves. I got my Lysol wipes. And spray. And I went to work. It was hard. That stuff was caked on for who knows how many years. Pretty sure I'm the first person to venture down into that mess. While I was down there, it just hit me in the face. God was giving me a life illustration.

All week long, I had been feeling like God just kept revealing more of my sin to me. I was not enjoying it. The more layers were peeled back, the worse things seemed. I kept having to resist the urge to just run away. But where could I run to? I realized, while I was down there in that mess, that God has known my mess all along, just like He's known the mess under my stove. Because He is a loving and wise Father, He knows just when to let me know that He knows. He understands that if I could see all the messes in my life at one time, I would just quit. He also knows that once I see the mess, I can't just ignore it anymore. And...He has not left me alone to clean the mess up myself. He reveals it to me so that I will know He is the One who will make me whole again. "Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Christ Jesus our Lord!" Even though I would rather not have had a disgusting mess to clean up, I was so thankful for such a timely and gracious illustration from my Dad.

My Testimony (hint: read Ephesians 2)

I once was dead. I was doomed forever because of my many sins. I was full of sin. All I did was follow my evil passions and desires---I followed satan. I couldn't obey God, even if I'd wanted to, but I didn't want to. In a sick way, I was like a daughter to satan. I had hostility between me and God, and between His people. I was a stranger, an alien, an outsider. I was under God's anger, just like everyone else who is full of sin and only obeys their corrupt desires. I was unaware of God's promises to His people. I was without God. I was without hope.

bibledude.net/one-in-christ/

But God is so rich in mercy, and He loved me so very much, that even while I was dead because of my sins, He gave me life when He raised Christ from the dead...For He raised me from the dead along with Christ!

Now, I am alive with Christ. I am known. And loved! I am included. I am a daughter of God. I'm a citizen with God's holy people, a member of God's family, a part of God's house, a portion of God's masterpiece. I am in Christ, and Christ is in me. I am indwelled by the Holy Spirit. I belong to Jesus! I am near to God---seated with Christ, in fact. I am new, saved, able and willing to obey God. I have been shown special favor by God, and so, I am an example of the incredible wealth of God's favor and kindness. Now, I know God's promises to His people, and I believe Him. I have God, and I have hope.