Thursday, October 25, 2012

This fall, Casey and I, along with our two friends Steve & Marcus, got to start a class for the sixth graders at church on Wednesday nights. We call it "The Bridge". Our hope is that the class will not only bridge the gap between childhood and adulthood, but most importantly, that the class will introduce them to The Bridge [to the Father], Christ Jesus.

None of the four of us have a ton of experience working with kids...excuse me, young adults...so we've been learning a lot. Last night, I think we learned several crucial lessons.

Lesson #1: Don't send one young adult into the classroom holding two bags of candy without also sending two bodyguards to accompany him. He will be mauled.

Lesson #2: If you buy candy for your class, only buy enough for them to each have a couple pieces. Buying two bags means they will eat two bags. Even if that means they each eat 10 pieces of candy, thus darkening any favorable light their parents would have previously seen you in, once their children come home so hyped up on sugar that they won't go to bed, and they keep repeating the names of the teachers who so generously gave them TWO BAGS OF CANDY.

Lesson #3: If you must get the class to answer questions by bribing them with candy, you should also follow up the giving-out-of-candy with the instruction that all who eat the candy during class will forfeit that candy, and all chances at earning any more candy. Or else, you will hear the ripping of candy packages, the getting up-and-down to throw trash away, and the whining for more candy from anyone has still has it in their hands the entire class.

With these lessons in mind, we charge forward, ready to love some kids and share some Gospel and praise some Jesus...just with a little less candy involved.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The answer to yesterday's question:

Yes, it's wrong. Sitting on the edge of the pool, afraid to jump in, is not okay. When God says get in the pool, you get in the pool. Doesn't matter if you don't know what temperature it is, or even if you don't know how to swim. Trust Him. The end.

For more on this conclusion, go watch the sermon, "Treasure & Trust", about God calling Abraham, and blessing him to be a blessing to others. Also, if you can endure horrendously cheesy powerpoint presentations, overlooking them for a time, to enjoy a song and lyrics, you can listen to the Dave Barnes (are you reading this Melissa!? Proud?) song "Close your eyes", which I think pretty much encapsulates the current struggle.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

My Life.

I've never been the kind of person who jumps full-speed-ahead into the pool, no matter how hot it is outside. And people keep trying to convince me that it's the best way to go. "Your body will adjust...after the initial shock...It really won't feel that bad..." But that's not me. Me - I dip a toe in, then a few toes. I sit down on the edge of the pool, put my feet in, one at a time. Gradually...scoot into the pool...little bit by little bit. You know what? I probably won't make it in to my waist before you jump in, swim around, get out, and dry off. Is that wrong? Question of the day.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I believe, Lord, help my unbelief!

Last night we got the chance to go fellowship with a church family in a different part of the county, where our pastor and our band are leading services for a few days.

The sermon was a good word from Luke 24 about having high expectations of what God will do, because He's called us to do big things for Him, and He's given us big power through the Holy Spirit to accomplish that work. It was exactly what Casey & I both agreed we needed to hear, which is cool, because we had decided we couldn't go last night. We had too many things to do. But, by the end of a cold and dreary day, I was needing some encouragement big-time, and God told Casey we should go, before I ever told him I was feeling down. Isn't that cool how He works? He also told him to get me some flowers at lunchtime to cheer me up. They did. Sweet boy. I digress...

So, good sermon, like I said. But the real heart surgery was before we ever got to the sermon. We arrived to the service as they were singing together. One of the songs was "I Surrender All". And, I thought, "Really? You just won't let this go!" I mean, really, I just cannot escape what I first wrote about one week ago. The reality that God can and does demand my all. That He can take things from me. That He has a good plan. But it might hurt. I didn't want to sing the song. I don't want to surrender all. But Andrew (leading the music) said something about saying this as a declaration, and I did. It was a declaration that I will fight against my flesh that does not want to surrender, and I will acknowledge with my lips that it IS good to surrender to Jesus.

After the song, Andrew was talking about his guitar---how it has this little broken place on it that needs to be fixed, but how he's unwilling to surrender it into the hands of someone who can fix it, because he's afraid they'll mess it up. He asked, though, what if that person would not only repair it, but also give him new strings and add some other things that would make it work even better than it already does? This is where my attention was caught. He then said something which I wish I had word-for-word, because it was like a flash-of-light-I-finally-get-it moment for me, but it was something to this effect, "I think God is asking me to give things up for the sake of giving them up, but He wants me to give them up so He can fill me with His love and His power."

So, that's it. That's my problem. In this past week, I couldn't imagine that if God were to take away thing x, y, or z, that it would be anything but a painful void. I couldn't imagine that when God creates a void by taking something away, He Will fill that void with His love and His power. He will. Less of me, more of Jesus.

I wish that cleared things up, and that I didn't still have to wrestle with this. But I am (wrestling, that is). Our church is reading the Bible together and we just finished reading the story of Joseph, and now are reading the story of Job. Two men who lost everything. See, I told you God won't let this thing go with me. Everywhere I go, there it is. The good thing about them is I know the end of their stories...I know God was in control every step of the way, and had a good plan that always outwitted the plans of their enemies. If Joseph's brothers meant to kill him, God used it to preserve life for many. If satan meant for Job to end up cursing God because he lost everything, God taught Job how good He is. If God does something in my life that sends me to my knees, or on my face, and the enemy means for me to despair, I must, I must, trust that God is absolutely in control of my life, and has a good plan in it for me. He has not given me a spirit that makes me a slave again to fear, but the Spirit of adoption. I am His daughter. 

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Faith without works is dead (another picture-less post)

How many times have you heard the scripture "faith without works is dead"?  I know I've heard it hundreds of times. Maybe thousands. I have nodded my head in agreement. I have "amen"-ed. I have pondered it. I have wrestled with it. I have been confused by it. I have come to understand it. I have been confused by it again.

Sunday night, the East Rock family looked into Romans 2 together. Watch out! You who think you've got things all figured out. You religious. You "guides to the blind". God's judgement is for ALL sinners. The religious and the pagan. His salvation is, indeed, also for ALL sinners, if we will but let his kindness lead us to repentance, thus fulfilling its intention.

During this talk of judgement and the law and faith, that familiar verse from James 2 was referenced: Faith without works is dead. And all of a sudden, like a flash of light, it struck me as the most true and obvious fact in the world. I am always putting my faith in something, whether it be God, money, my husband, myself. And that faith is always followed by actions. If I have faith in money, and my husband says he wants to give away $14.00, my heart beats a little faster, and my mind tries to figure out how much that will set us back on our monthly budget, and my mouth says "Why would you do that?"

I had, all during the previous week, been struggling to understand the tension between salvation being only by grace through faith, and the reality that blessing comes when we obey God. It's not like I thought God should bless me even if do everything in obstinate disobedience to Him (or did I?), but I didn't understand how God could save me and sanctify me freely (on my part), yet demand obedience as part of the deal. I had been asking Him to help me understand this, and He answered that night (and in several other ways prior to that night---thought this seemed to be the turning point, sort of like Jacob's turning point after he wrestled with God all night and got a new name). When I have faith in __________, it Necessarily follows that my thoughts and actions will follow that faith. They just can't do anything otherwise. So, when I have faith in God, my whole self will follow Him totally. I believe Lord, help my unbelief!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

This post is ugly

Hi, my name's Cristina, and I'm an idolater. "Of what?", you say? Of anything. Everything.

Here's something I posted yesterday on our "Life Together Group" (church small group) page on facebook:

"God seems to keep telling me in the last couple of days that I've forgotten my first Love. and i have this feeling He intends to strip some things away, so that I will remember that He alone is my portion. But I'm scared of what that means. I want to be free to love and serve only Him...but I'm afraid of the process hurting. I don't want to be paralyzed by fear, but that's where I feel like I am right now. Pray for me?"

This morning I got up, ironed two shirts for Casey, kissed him goodbye. I made my coffee, poured a cup of water, ate my waffle with peanut butter and honey (delish). I wanted to do anything but sit down with God and His Word. I wanted to run away. I wanted to hide somewhere, just like Adam & Eve did in the Scripture Casey and I read last night. Post-sin, they suddenly realized they were naked, and they felt shame. So they hid themselves. I can relate.

I made myself sit down and start reading Genesis. We are reading through the Bible in a year, chronologically, with our church fam. Read my five chapters, read the questions in our book that goes along with our reading, tried to think of some answers...tried to talk to God. "Okay, enough..." Got on facebook. Read something a brother had commented on what I posted yesterday. I didn't like it:

"The whole lost your first love thing is often because we've supplanted God. This question might be rhetorical, but what has stolen your heart? What you love more then Him is probably what he'll strip away. It's especially crazy to know that God is allowed to do that; not just with little things like owning nice gadgets or cars or clothes, but He's also allowed to take away our health and our loved ones and our income security and all our hope in this world. Ugh."

It was too true, and nothing that "tickled my ears", so to speak. Scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. Read a lot of stupid things. Read a few requests for prayer...tried to "throw up" a few prayers...half-heartedly. Went back and re-read that comment that I didn't like. Realized it's futile to ignore a truth about God because I don't like it. Thought about this sheet of questions I got while I was at a mid-year conference during my time in EA. It's called "Gospel Diagnostics".

"Gospel Diagnostics" is a fancy name for "20 ways of asking you the same question, namely, what are you worshiping instead of the One True God?" And, like I said, I'll worship almost anything, if I think it will bring me your security, happiness, distraction, comfort, warm fuzzies, etc. I mean, really...it's ridiculous. You want an example? Wait, I can't give you one, because I worship your opinion of me, and if I tell you what goes on in my mind, I promise you won't like me as much as you used to. At least, that's what I tell myself. But, since God just pointed out to me how absolutely insane it is to care more about what you think than what He thinks, I will share an example.

Saturday night, Casey and I picked up a couple of girls we've gotten to know through church to go to the Warehouse (if you don't know what that is, you should just ask me later to give more detail, but basically it's a big building where kids can hang out and play bball, games, etc. and hear about Jesus). Casey, being the more free spender of our family, was happy to buy them all kinds of snacks and then to treat us all to dinner at Wendy's afterward. Me, the very-much-saver of the family, is adding up how much we're spending the whole time. I know, I know, we were only at Wendy's...how much could we really spend? But, remember, this logic doesn't matter for someone who is a saver. Feeling we'd spent so much that we would now be in debt for the rest of the month, I woke up Sunday morning anxiously thinking about how much we'd spent. We visited a church with our neighbors. As they passed the offering plate, Casey asked if it was okay with me to just put the rest of the cash he had in the plate. Thinking at first that he probably just had a couple dollars, I was like "whatever, sure." But, suddenly, I remembered it was actually $14.00. "Why do you want to do that," I quickly asked him. "Just as a way of saying, 'I trust you, God,'" he said. Stuck in a place where I had to either show my true nature and demand that he not put the money in, or protect my image and pretend to trust God, I begrudgingly said, "Okay, well, do what you feel you should." In that moment, God pricked my heart. Stabbed my heart?... Really? $14.00? I can't trust God for fourteen tiny little dollars??? He owns the cattle on a thousand hills for goodness sake! And the hills too, as Tim Bowes would point out.

You know what? I don't really have a nice conclusion to wrap this all up, except to say, my heart is deceitfully wicked. God, cleanse my heart! I guess this is, really, just a confession of my true nature, and my longing for God to change me mixed with my fear of what that really means, and how bad that surgery might hurt. "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is in my flesh...who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for the law of the Spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do.By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that, the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (see Romans 7 and 8...I totally mixed up translations in here too...who cares...it's a good Word.).

Lord, set me free.