Some ramblings on life as I know it in December 2010

This is a peppermint mocha from Chicago Coffee, a place I once frequented, but now remember only once in a while, when I'm being nostalgic and looking through old pictures, or when I eat a cinnamon roll (they had delicious ones), or an iced brownie (um, espresso brownie? Yes, please.) I guess I'm being nostalgic today...looking through pictures from the last couple of years, wondering at all the places I've been in that short amount of time. I've traveled to four different countries, and called three (four, if you count moving from Brier Creek to my current home a different city...B.C. is almost Durham, right?) different cities home. I've gone through culture shock (upon arriving in Asia), been a "missionary", gone through reverse culture shock (upon returning to the US), been stuck in a dark place (Psalm 38), been brought out to the light (Psalm 30).

I got engaged

I got a job, got a roommate
got married
and, fast forward five months, here we are. Last night I thought "how in the world did I end up working at [my job]?" Sometimes I feel like I have no explanation for what things are now. When I'm meeting someone at church, and they ask me "Oh, are you in school?", or I see someone I knew in college and they ask "So what are you doing now?", I just laugh, because how am I gonna sum up the last couple years of my life in a couple sentences? I don't even know the summary, really. I know that all these things aren't for nothing---I know they're a part of a bigger story within The Big Story that God is writing---so I'm not without hope. But, sometimes, I am just lost as to where this thing is going. Or if I'm going the I right direction. Sometimes I wish I had a map. I suppose this is where faith begins...will I trust God? Will I believe His promise that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)? Will I be honest with Him in my frustration, and confusion, and disappointment even? All the while, trusting that no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless (Psalm 84:11)? And will I remember that though I mess up, if I confess my sin, He is faithful and just to forgive me my sin and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9)? And will I, without doubt, believe what Jesus said---"Fear not little flock, it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom(Luke 12:32)."

Casey's Cheesey End of Year Blog, Part 1: Best MUSIC of 2010

This post dedicated to Jeff Johnson, my all-time favorite friend to discuss music with.  This post may bore you, or it could open your mind to some beautiful tunes yet undiscovered.  Listening, exploring, attempting to describe music is one of my favorite things to do in life.  To hear samples of each artist below, click the Orange album titles and you'll be led to the artist's Myspace page with free streaming melodies.

Fun. Aim & Ignite
There could be no more fitting name for this band.  Lyrically creative, high-energy technically-skilled instrumentation, passionate vocals, great harmonies.  "Balances serious subjects with buoyant tunes" (Ben Keene- EMusic).  Most of these songs sound like something straight out of a musical--and Cristina can attest I often feel I'm caught up in that musical, bursting into random dance when Fun. is playing.  And no, you can't see that.  I would compare lead singer Nate Ruess to a more polished, sophisticated version of Justin Hawkins (formerly) of The Darkness.

Notables: Be Calm, Walk the Dog, Take Your Time, Barlights, I Wanna Be The One...but I really love them all.

The Swell Season, Strict Joy 
If you've never heard of Swell Season then you should watch the movie Once as your introduction.  Andrew Liggitt may hate me for this comparison, but Glen Hansard (lead vocals) reminds me of Dave Matthews.  No, Glen sings through his mouth & not his nostrils, and you can actually understand most of what he sings, but Glen acquaints with Dave by the passion he sings with.  There's some great singing...and then there's yelling too.  Most of the lyrics are rather sad, but Glen has a way of making grief beautiful (the album acquires its name from a poem of this subject).  Instrumentally, this album's great.  Good acoustic guitars, drums, violin, & a lot of variety in the sounds.

Notables:  Low Rising, Feeling The Pull, The Rain, I Have Loved You Wrong, High Horses, The Verb...I love this whole album (and I recommend the Deluxe Edition for some great live tunes, most of them from the Once soundtrack).

Colm Mac Con Iomaire, The Hares Corner
Colm is native Irish, as you may have discerned from his name, and this album is tribute to the sounds of his beloved culture.  Colm is also the violinist of the aforementioned Swell Season and another band of like members called The Frames.  This album is like a dream to me--Celtic sounds & the violin have been growing loves for me over the past couple years, and this album indulges deeply in both.  Highly technical, soothing sounds, rich textures, lots of acoustic instrumention other than violin--I feel like maybe these sounds somehow beckon to the ancient Irishman within me, I just get plum happy yearn for Guinness when I'm listening to this.

Notables:  So I've said this on all three albums so far...but EVERY SONG IS AWESOME.  Seriously though, I like Secondwave, Time Will Tell, Court of New Town, The Cuckoo of Glen, Ronnie's Theme.


Jon Foreman, (4 Albums) Fall, Winter, Spring, & Summer
Foreman knows perfectly the purpose of a poem or song, expressing beautifully a message from the heart that mere prose couldn't capture.  Foreman:  “I write questioning songs,” he says. “I’m interested in reading philosophy and trying to figure things out. The melodies come to me quite easily so it’s the poets, philosophers and psalmists that help me put the melodies where they belong. The songs assist me in the challenge of knowing who I am, so the shoulders of great writers are a good place to start” (Amazon).  24 songs are spread out into 4 albums, 6 songs for each season, and the moods of each season are captured well.  There's a lot of variety in these songs.  To be explicitly cheesy, these songs are as varied as the seasons of life themselves.  I mean that though.  I've learned from these albums.


Favorites:  The Cure for Pain, Southbound Train, Lord Save Me From Myself, My Love Goes Free, Learning How to Die, Behind Blue Eyes, I Am Still Running, Your Love Is Strong (performed at our wedding), Baptize My Mind, Revenge, Resurrect Me, House of God Forever (also performed for our wedding..thanks East Rock!)


The Autumn Film, The Ship and The Sea
Piano-driven, drums-heavy, mostly upbeat, gifted vocals, rich-textured spacey sounds.  I first heard Autumn Film when we were in Colorado preparing to leave for China, and the three-piece band was charged with leading us in worship (see more on the Hymns-II album below).  I really thought they were awesome and so bought one of their albums...a disappointment.  It was just, well, flat.  Big change here.  The drums hit hard and hit fast, especially on "Ships on the Ocean Floor," and lead singer Tifah's voice is amazing, particularly on "Mended".  The guitarist is not your typical guitarist--most of the stuff he plays is distorted to create a sort of spacey sounding ambience.  And there's a sea theme here in the lyrics too--haven't figured that one out yet, but I just got the album and it seems pretty interesting.  Lots of variation in sound, particularly when you consider a song like "Always the Same" where the rhythm of the song is played on the lowest register of the piano.  And "Sirens" sounds like it would fit on a soundtrack to The Wire.

Favorites:  Roll Over Me, Always the Same, Mended, Ships on the Ocean Floor, Sirens, Follow the Sound, March On  (if you click on the Myspace link, most of this album is available for free listening)


Page CXVI, Hymns-II
Page CXVI is the Autumn Film published under a different name for the release of their 4-part Hymns project.  The band is named for the 116th page of their copy of C.S. Lewis's The Magician's Nephew, the chronologically first book of The Chronicles of Narnia where Aslan sings creation into existence.  Most of the seven hymns on this album (and the 7 each on their other releases) are fairly well known, but very well mixed up on these releases.  Though they sometimes get too far away from the original melodies, these songs are sung with great passion that invite me to worship.  Most of my friends who know Page CXVI didn't like this release as much as Hymns-I, but "How Great Thou Art" may be the best hymn remake I've ever heard.  I'm honestly not a big fan of the original, but hearing it sung with Tifah's big heart and booming voice takes it to a new level for me.  "Battle Hymn of the Republic" is also well-done.  This album was a real encouragement to me earlier in the year.  Thanks Daniel for the gift bro.

Notables:  How Great Thou Art, Rock of Ages, Battle Hymn of the Republic



Sandra McCracken, In Feast or Fallow
Sandra McCracken is a really special artist to me, though I can't exactly pinpoint why.  I think because she reminds me of that female folk-singer type that I feel like my dad must have listened to a lot when I was growing up.  Great female voice & an acoustic guitar singing about real life (not some poppy teenage crush)--what more could you ask for?  She has some good folk albums (Red Balloon, Gypsy Flat Road), this one here's another hymns album, a follow-up to the much beloved The Builder & The Architect (which also got hits at our wedding).  Though this new album isn't quite as good as The Builder, I really like its sound.  The Builder had much more of a polished, almost orchestral, heavenly sound, but this one is much more rootsy, Nashville, and kinda-country, though some still pertain the stately sounding Builder & The Architect.  Unlike Page CXVI, most of the hymns Sandra has chosen are those lost to our common recollection (with the exception of an AWESOME remake of Amazing Grace here).  It seems she's taken it upon herself to keep these lyrically-rich, lesser-known treasures alive to the modern ear.  I appreciate that.

Favorites:  Justice Will Roll Down, In Feast or Fallow, New Wonders, Give Reviving, I Glory in Christ, Sweet Sorrow, Petition, Faith's Review & Expectation (Amazing Grace)

Derek Webb, Stockholm Syndrome
Wow...How to describe this album?? Derek Webb may be my favorite "Christian artist" if for no other reason than how he approaches writing "Christian music."  Living outside of American culture for a year in China allowed me to see a few things, perhaps the most important being how in America we often divide realms of life into "sacred" and "secular."  For example, there's the attitude that says, "I may sing to God on Sunday, but God has nothing to do with my work, how I raise my family, how I vote, how I work, how I study & think about important issues."  There's not many lies further from the Bible.  Paul spoke of being "transformed by the renewing of your mind," allowing the gospel to affect how you approach all areas of life.  The gospel should give you new lens for seeing the world around you.  See this post for my attempt to approach my job this way, or this astute YouTube video to hear Derek describe his philosophy himself.  Basically, all of life is worship, and not just those songs & hymns of adoration sung directly to God.  That being said, the beats & the lyrics both hit hard on this album.  Derek steps away from his folk-rock roots on this one for some experiemental, hiphop-esque territory.  Since setting out solo from Caedmon's Call, Derek has been somewhat of a protest artist in the likes of Bob Dylan, protesting both the evangelical subculture and our American & Western cultures at-large, and according to my friend Andrew, Derek saw how protest music has transitioned from the folk Dylan-stuff over the years to hip-hop today, and he wanted to follow likewise.  Definitely an attention getting ablum, as Derek critiques Westboro's Fred Phelps, our discomfort with the Holy Spirit, protest riots, his own apathy, Sweden's apathy, my own apathy, the club scene, high-interest credit cards, immigration, Fox News & other ultra-conservatives, neo-colonialism, & evangelical attitudes toward homosexuals--for starters.  A dropping of the s- and d- bombs in What Matters More got that song cut from the official release, so if you buy the album, be sure to get that addendum free from Noisetrade.

Notables:  (again the whole album is awesome, but if I have to choose...) Opening Credits/Black Eye, Cobra Con, Spirit vs. the Kick Drum, What Matters More, The State, I Love-Hate You, Jena & Jimmy, American Flag Umbrella


There's more albums & songs I could write on for this year, but I've been working on this post for two days now and gotta stop somewhere.  Hope you enjoy, and you should let me know if end up checking out one of these recommendations.  I'm always up for new recommendations myself, so feel free to drop comments of your new discoveries below.  My baby's asleep on the couch now, pink blanket over her head to block out the light & the Stockholm Syndrome she so adores that I was listening to earlier.  I should probably get her to bed :)

Growing Up

Some things we've been learning in 2010:

1. We are learning what a budget is. (my props to Casey who has been learning this longer than I have. He started when he wanted to save for a ring to marry me, and has been faithfully budgeting ever since, and leading me in that. good job Babe!)
2. We are learning that you have to take out the trash Monday night because even though you THINK you'll do it before the trash pickup men get here Tuesday morning, you are wrong. And that trash stinks.
3. I'm learning that even though it's "Casey's job" to take out the trash, I can still serve him by taking it out for him when he's running late for work.
4. I am learning how to grocery shop. Seriously, Harris Teeter and I have a relationship now. It's literally across the street, they have great deals after coupons, and I now know exactly where each product is in the grocery store via the map in my head.
5. I am slowly, slowly, learning how to grocery shop with coupons. Jenny, the author of the blog Southern Savers, is one of my heroes.
6. I am learning how to grocery shop with coupons when you live with a boy who eats everything in sight.
7. I am learning when to let go of little things. Like how much Casey eats. Or the fact that we don't have the same idea of where his glasses should go when he's not using them. (Me: But I have that pretty little dish on the counter JUST for the glasses?!)
8. I am learning how to keep a house clean (if you have come to my house recently and you would like to dispute this claim, I would remind you...I am still learning). My friend Leah used to tell me how her mom would say if you just clean for 15 minutes at the end of the day it will help things not pile up. Good word Mama Horton.
9. We are learning (again) that new relationships take time, and effort, to build. We were really happy to become members of our church, The Summit (North Raleigh Campus), a month or two ago. We help with the kids' ministry on Sunday mornings, we've been going to a small group on Sunday nights, but it's still taking time. We're still not at that point where there are people there who know us inside and out and vice versa, but we will persist!
10. This is not a cheesy end summary lesson we're learning, but by far the biggest lesson we've learned this year. At least, the biggest one I've learned. And it will be an understatement, but we've really learned to TRUST God to take care of us ("Fear not little flock, it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom." Luke 12:32). We started out this year engaged and hopeful, but without a clue of how many things would work out. Where would we live? Where would I work? Where would we find furniture we could afford? How would we afford a honeymoon? How were we going to pay the bills? etc, etc, etc. But, oh how God has provided! Exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). "And God, who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, with Him, freely give us all things?" (Romans 8:32)

She who has been forgiven much, loves much.

³⁶ When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. ³⁷ A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. ³⁸ As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

³⁹ When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

⁴⁰ Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

⁴¹ “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^c]">[c] and the other fifty. ⁴² Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

⁴³ Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

⁴⁴ Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

⁴⁹ The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

⁵⁰ Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” (Luke 7:36-50 NIV)

This is the woman I want to be.

Snapshots of Turkey Day 2010

This was our first holiday spent completely together, as a married couple. I'd say it went pretty well. I kicked off the holiday by cutting up magazines to make leaf shapes that I hung from our otherwise useless "window" between the kitchen and living room areas. You say "tacky", I say "fall" (I did feel a little like Buddy the Elf). The week before Thanksgiving poor little mommy got in a car wreck, so I headed down to give her a hug, and also to help cook a turkey that she'd gotten for about $2 with a coupon (oh coupons). I think we did a pretty good job, if you don't count the fact that we left the bag of organs in tact while we cooked it. That Friday, Casey and I headed to our small group (a group of 3 other married couples from our church who get together and get to know each other while studying the Word) for an awesome pre-Thanksgiving-meal, which constituted my only holiday cooking yet (I'd say that's a pretty good deal). On the actual Thanksgiving Day, to my regret, we did not dress up like pilgrims and Indians (see "Holidays 2008" ) , but we did start our tradition of Thanksgiving morning cinnamon rolls...mmm....then we headed to Burlington for the Cheek's and the Wase's, headed back to Raleigh that night so Casey could work the next morning and I could decorate for Christmas(!), and finally, headed to Roxboro Saturday afternoon for time with the Adams'. It's been a fun-filled couple weeks, and I'm glad Christmas season is officially here. Off to listen to some Christmas music now...(as if I haven't been listening to it since November 1st anyway)...

A Newlyweds' Entertainment Center

Yes, that's an ironing board with Cristina's laptop perched atop.  If I still lived in Roxboro, we'd call this "Redneck".

In America, this is also called "weird", because we don't have a TV (yet).  We've actually chosen not to have one for our first year of marriage, due in large part to our wanting to strengthen our young relationship, and for other reasons explained more fully here.  

We're also on that Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover plan, and TV's not a necessity you know ;)

So what film was showing tonight? ELF! Cristina decorated for Christmas while I was away at work on Black Friday, so we decided to officially inaugurate the Christmas season with cinnamon-dusted eggnog & one of Cristina's favorite Christmas movies (my favorite Christmas Vacation is soon to follow).

Strangely enough, we watched most of Elf pondering & discussing the Christological similarities of Buddy the Elf among other spiritual themes :) I love my wife.  She's my best friend, and very fun to hang with.  

The Best Advice

"Continue to let the Spirit lead in this..."

**

Last week, I asked on the blog for wisdom on how to help Frank, a homeless guy whom I feel God has placed before me to build a relationship with (THANKS to the 3 of you who actually responded ;).  Not knowing how to help with a monetary need Frank had told me of (or even if I should), I emailed my campus pastor Daniel, and he connected me to a couple other guys in the church, David & Phil, who work with guys like Frank quite often.  I won't say exactly how they helped, because I feel like that may be something that should be kept private to Frank.  But I was very grateful to be a part of a church that is actively serving the community and gets excited about helping one another do so.

After talking with Frank Thursday night, telling him how the Summit Church wanted to help, Frank told me "I would like to come to church and pray before the Lord with you."  Of course, I got very excited at this, because I want Frank more than anything to know the love of Jesus.  At the same time, however, I got scared--scared of being taken advantage of like I have been in the past, scared that Frank was simply telling me what I wanted to hear.  I knew I needed discernment.  I emailed David again to let him know the latest, telling him of my concern, and he responded, "Continue to let the Spirit lead..."

My temptation is to take things into my own hands.  My worry is that I have no idea what I'm doing.  My fear is of being hurt.  My other temptation is that I'll keep "helping" just to make myself look good before others.  And then there's the temptation to just stop here, to do nothing more, to be apathetic and quit under the pressure.

If I rely on myself, those things will happen.  The truth is that I don't know what I'm doing, I may very well be hurt in some way, and I do care FAR TOO MUCH about what people think.  But God knows all, promises that He will send comfort when I need it, and truly loves others.  What does it mean to let the Holy Spirit lead? There's no straight answer to that, and that's the point.  I'm not in control.  God is, and I need to yield to Him, get out of His way, and follow Him in the wonders He wants to work.  And that's the best word.

A Gospel Picture (And a plea for wisdom)

I really like gospel pictures:  life stories that demonstrate the gospel message of Jesus without actually telling it.  A few weeks ago, I saw Frank again, and a gospel picture happened.  Frank, if you haven't read before, is a homeless guy whom I'd like to someday call my friend (a term I'm not wishing to use lightly here).  I have a vision for Frank:  plenty of us have given cash or a banana or a gift card to the homeless cardboard-clutching beggar on the corner before, but who has ever gotten to know that beggar, simply befriending him and earning his trust to show him he's a valuable human being created in the dignity and likeness of God?  I know I never have, but God keeps placing Frank in front of me and I feel this is God's vision, or at least part of it (Ephesians 3:20).

Seeing Frank at the usual spot on my lunch break one day, I parked my truck and walked over with a full lunch hour available to him and offered to take him to Burger King.  I didn't want to give him a hot meal as much as I wanted an excuse to sit down and talk with him.  He refused, because he had already had been given a lunch he said, but he said he'd take me up on the offer next time.  I left him with prayer and some food.  I prayed that he would see God's Fatherly love in His provision of basic needs for Frank, to which Frank enthusiastically responded, "Amen! God bless you!" 

That was encouraging.

But as I walked away, I was encouraged even more in thinking about what food I'd left for him:  some leftover La Cocina tortilla chips & salsa, given to me by my parents when they took me out to eat two days before; and a pumpkin cupcake, one of many given to us by Cristina's friend Jessie they day before.  The Spirit  whispered:  "Freely you have received; freely give" (Matthew 10:8).

The peanut butter & jelly sandwich from our own kitchen, I had already eaten for myself.  But the gifts that had been given to me, I had just given away.  And I thought....what do I own that has not been given to me by God?  How generous has God been to me in giving the saving love of Christ that I don't deserve?  And yet, how stingily have I been clutching on to the things that are "mine"?

And I saw a gospel picture:  Jesus was essentially telling his disciples in Matthew 10, "I have loved you so abundantly and set you free from your chains.  Go and do likewise, setting others free from their chains."  He commanded them to heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the leprous, and drive out demons--just had He had healed their sickness, raised them to new life, cleansed their leprosy, and driven away their torturous demons.

******

I saw Frank again today, again with a full lunch hour to spare, and things didn't go as expected.  I thought he'd take me up on my offer as he had said he would, but he seemed anxious to sit on the corner in hopes of another $15, seeking to keep his remaining possessions from being auctioned away by the storage facility he's renting from.  I'm thinking of helping, but I've heard a lot recently about how our "helping" can actually hurt someone. 

But when does helping hurt?  Any ideas?  I know that I can't simply do life for Frank, that there's some things he needs to work through on his own, but is this one of them?  Could this be a doorway for further gospel conversation, a step towards authentic relationship that honors & emulates Christ?  Or is this a step away from that, a hindrance?  I'd appreciate your humble wisdom in comments.  Thanks.

Thankfulness...or is it thanksgiving?

wait...that's not the right turkey...

Everyone is blogging about thankfulness, so why not us? This morning was kind of a rough start, what with it being Monday and all. Casey had to go out early for something before he even had to be at work, and Monday morning traffic in Raleigh is terrible, so it wasn't the happiest of times. Trying to lighten the mood, and redirect our attention, I asked "What are we thankful for?" The list started off normal enough.

Casey: Sunlight, the flowers.
Cristina: I just read Psalm 130---"If You, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared." He doesn't keep a record of our sins.
Casey: Food.
Cristina: Our jobs. Our families. I really like my mom. And my sister. And my dad.
Casey: Roy Williams.
Cristina: Did you just say Roy Williams?
Casey: ...continuing to name UNC players...
Cristina: I don't even know who these people are...
Casey:...still naming UNC players...
Cristina: Okay...

Well, at least we are thankful for something.

Oh yes we did...(this post dedicated to Erin)

So, the State Fair came a couple weeks ago. We live close enough to the fairgrounds that we could hear the fireworks every night around 9:45 PM. Every single night of the fair they scared me, until I remembered "oh yeah, fair, fireworks...not war." Now, growing up I mostly went to the Moore County fair (what up Carthage!?), but a few times I remember going to the state fair for the day. Casey (Roxboro) doesn't remember ever going to the state fair growing up. So, after I convinced him that we should go, especially on canned food night, when admission is basically half-off, we headed out with our good friend Erin (pictured left, about to indulge in her KK Bacon Cheeseburger). Casey LOVED the fair. We all knew he'd love the food (deep fried banana pudding, country ham biscuit, french fries, coke, half of a KK bacon cheeseburger, hot dog, and still wondering if he should eat more as we left...amazing). But who knew he'd love all the rest of the fair just as much? He loved the village of yesteryear, he loved the crafts, he loved the animals, he loved the produce, he loved the people. He loooved the fair. Erin and I were at times like the parents trying to keep up with the little kid running to every different booth, and other times like the kids ourselves---"Do we HAVE to keep looking at these crafts?" Still, crafts and animals aside, our main mission (well, mine at least) was to get ahold of one of those Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburgers. $6 ($7.50 once you add bacon and cheese) worth of heart-attack-inducing-sugar-rushing goodness. We did it. Mission accomplished. Scoff if you will, but I think our fair trip was a success. And, I'm happy to report, we still enjoy cheeseburgers and Krispy Kreme donuts. Though, in the future, probably not together.

When I was a freshman in college, about a year old in my faith, I started hearing a lot about this book called Blue Like Jazz. I was really into going to Lifeway at the time, and I remember it being on one of the front shelves, with the other bestsellers. I also remember that I was afraid to look at it, for the all the controversy surrounding it at the time. But, rebel that I am, I think the controversy is what eventually led me to read it. And I think I got it for free, which was also incentive enough for me. So, I read it, in all its sarcastic, heart-exposing, scandalous-at-times, glory. I really liked it because it brought to light how "religious" I had become...I also didn't like it because it brought to light how "religious" I had become. After talking it over with a few people, I decided it was "too controversial", and put it back on the shelf. Fast forward a few years...by this time, I am growing more and more in my faith in Jesus, but also holding tight to some of my "religious" tendencies. I decided to read Blue Like Jazz again. It is so exposing and convicting, that I continue to read it again and again, as well as every other book that Donald Miller has written. So, here we are today. Donald Miller, and all his books, and I suppose his lectures, and his blog, are controversial among the religious circles. Sometimes because it's not clear where he stands on a particular issue, and we religious types like to make the lines clear on particular issues. Mostly, I think it's just because the things he says hit too close to home for us, and our pride is hurt. But, Jesus doesn't seem to mind hurting pride, when He talks with people in the gospels---especially the religious types. All this to say, I was really pumped when I heard they were making a movie of Blue Like Jazz. And then I was really bummed to find out they weren't gonna have enough money to make it. And then I was really interested to find out that these two guys had made a goal to raise all the money for the production of the movie, because their lives have been impacted by its honesty too. And then I was convinced enough that it might happen to donate a little money to the effort myself (along with my equally-enamored-with-BLJ-husband). And then I was stoked to find out that the $ goal was reached in just a couple weeks! However, at this point, this will be a very LOW-budget film, and we all know what low-budget films are like. Anyway, if you have ever read/appreciated Blue Like Jazz, or just like good movies (which I'm sure this will be), or you like being involved in something bigger than yourself (this will potentially be the biggest crowd-sourced movie ever), or you just have $10 to burn (and you don't want to give it me...why don't you want to give it to me? I would spend it well...just kidding...mostly)...then go here and check out the campaign and make the movie a reality!

We All Have Trash

The first few weeks that we lived in our little neighborhood, our next-door-neighbor had a trashcan almost identical to ours. I think we may have accidentally brought back his trashcan to our porch on one trash pickup day. Maybe that's why he quit using his trashcan. Or maybe he just got tired of carrying the whole trashcan down every Tuesday. I'm not sure. Either way, he started just putting these white drawstring bags on his side of the sidewalk to be picked up on Tuesdays, but every Tuesday night I'd notice the trash pickup men had left those bags right where they lay. Maybe they didn't like his rebellion against the can. Or, maybe they just didn't see his little bags behind the parked cars. So, last Tuesday I came home at lunch to this scene. Our trashcan, and beautiful new Raleigh recycling bin (an aside: Casey is continually amazed by the things that can be recycled---"you can recycle glass?? you can recycle newspaper??", and I am continually picking things out of the trash that can actually be recycled), now accompanied by our neighbor's can-less trash bags. I thought it was funny, but more, I thought it was a good picture of community. "Hey neighbor, you just put your trash out next to mine, and we'll do this thing together." My prayer is that our little cirlce of huts would soon be a community, in the true sense of the word.

Cristina Has A Job Too

As most of you know, I am currently employed at an Asian restaurant. Seeing as I spend the majority of my hours each week there, it's also where most of my stories and thoughts on life come from. Partially, it's just time to give Casey a break from being the only one to ever hear every restaurant story, so I'm sharing with you some of my favorite things (and/or my pet peevs) about this job. Also, for quite a while now, God has been trying to teach me to be content with where He has me. I have fought hard against this, but every once in a while, I get a glimpse of what He's doing, and I am still, and know that He is God. So, in light of that, I'm also sharing some fun things about where He has me now.

1. Okay, here is my first favorite part about my job. I told you I work in an Asian restaurant. The descriptor "Asian" has been used loosely. Once I tell people where I work, Casey loves to tell them how I described the diner early on---"I'M about as Asian as THEY are!"

In fact, I may be more Asian, since I actually know some Chinese, and have eaten the real-deal "Kung Pao Chicken", along with a number of other dishes that you'll never find at the local "Panda Star Dragon Buffet". But, here in Raleigh, most people don't know that if you just throw some of the same ingredients together, slap on an Asian-sounding name, and cook it in a wok, it won't necessarily come out Asian. So, there you have one of the most ironic things about my workplace. But here's what I think is even more ironic.

Putting aside all that I just told you about it not being all that Asian, pretend that it really is Asian, and then let me tell you that our staff is maybe 60(ish)% Hispanic, coming from Mexico, Colombia, and I'm not sure where else. (Of the other 40(ish)%, I have two co-workers from the Philippines, one co-worker who is half-Japanese, and another handful of co-workers who are Caucasian). I LOVE it! So, summary of #1: I work in an Asian restaurant, but not really.

2. Onto my second "favorite part of my job"...which may sound more like a rant, but just trust me that these things actually make me laugh more than they make me complain. Alright, now I know that for most Americans, Asian languages are really difficult to understand because the way things sound and look can be so different from the way English sounds and looks. However, like I said, this isn't really that Asian...I hate to burst your bubble, but the name doesn't even have a meaning. It just looks "Asian" to the American eye...and, I think, is supposed to be easy to pronounce for us English-speakers. Well, apparently they did not have North Carolina in mind when they came up with the name, because North Carolinians cannot pronounce it. So I'm gonna give you some tips on how not to say the name:

-This restaurant is not named after "Pee Wee" Herman, so please refrain from using his name in your order.
-Nor is it a bakery, so please refraining from asking the question "Pie Why?"
-From now on, think of it as a place where you buy your own dinner---in other words, where you "Pay [your own] Way."

(Disclaimer: you may very well be one of the people who does this, so if I offended you, I'm sorry, and I also encourage you to now learn the correct way pronounce the name. For more information on how you can pronounce the entire menu correctly, please email or call me...I joke. Sort of.)

3. Third favorite part of my job time! So, along the same lines as #2, this will be about pronunciation. However, this is about a much more important issue. Food. Isn't there a saying---"You are what you eat"? Then, people, people, people...you should know what you're eating (including how to say what you are eating...correctly). The most obvious menu item for this is edamame.

Now, the first time I ever heard of or saw edamame, was actually in China. When I came back, however, I soon learned of its growing popularity in America. It's now pretty easy to find on your salad bar, or in your local grocery store. So, if you don't yet know what it is, it is time to learn. It's basically little green soybeans in the shell. They are usually steamed still in the shell and you put salt on them and take them out of the shell to eat the little beans...or you can shell them and then cook them and eat them in salads or just as a veggie. Anywho...they are an appetizer in our little diner, so A LOT of people order them. But, when I say they order them, what I really mean is I translate whatever non-language they are speaking and eventually decipher that they want edamame (ED-UH-MA-MAY). There really is no end to the ways that I hear this ordered:

ENT-UH-MON-EE (there is not a single T in this name people)

ED-UH-MEE (which I personally thinks sounds like some sort of serious crime)

ED-DAH-MUH-MAY (emphasis on the "dah"...very European, but let's remember, this is supposed to be Asian)

ED-UH-MOMMY (your mom)

EED-UH-MEE (apparently, in America, if you don't know how to pronounce a syllable, you just leave it silent...is that why we have so many silent g's in English?)

END-UH-MON-AY (nice try, but there's no N in edamame)

END-UH-MON-EE (nice try again, but...again...no N)

EED-UH...EED-UH...those green things! (Okay, FINALLY an honest person! This pronunciation is almost okay, because at least they admit they have NO clue how to say it)

Alright, alright, perhaps you are bored because you don't work here, and you don't think edamame humor is actually humorous (I'll just dedicate this post to all my work friends). But, everyone should be able to appreciate this last word on pronunciation in an Asian restaurant.

Now, like I said, Asian languages are really different from English, but that does not excuse you from ordering things that sound like bodily functions. When you see a dish name that actually says Kung Pao, but which you think says Kung Poo, or even Cow Poo (people, I am not making this up), WHY ON EARTH would you think to yourself, "Mm...you know, I've been meaning to try poo. It just sounds so appetizing. And COW poo on top of that??? I WANT THAT!"????????
Moral of the story: Know what you are saying before you say it. If you don't know how, ask. Of course, if you start asking, I won't have as many laughs about the way you pronounced your dinner order, so maybe just leave it be...

Alright, let's bring this super-long soapbox to an end, and I'll say that even though I sometimes can't feel my feet after working a double, and even though I think I'll vomit if I have to ask one more person "Do you need chopsticks or plasticware today?"---at least I occasionally have interesting stories, and a crazy-diverse workplace, and relationships that are being built...however slowly it may seem, and however often I forget about all that. Fortunately, God is very patient and faithful to keep showing me that He is sovereign, even over not-so-Asian-Asian-restaurants.

Let's try to get to the Heart of the matter

I read the biography of William Wilberforce today and realized something troubling about my soul:  I have not been experiencing joy in the Spirit lately.  To those religious/depressed or simply unaware, this is a command that God takes very seriously in Scripture:  "Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!"  I deducted that my lack of joy has stemmed from two problems:  ONE, I have not been serious about fellowshipping with the God from whom all blessings flow, and TWO, when I have been encouraged by a word from the Most High, I have not allowed that blessing to overflow from me and bless another.  In other words, I've been very self-absorbed and wanting to hoard up all "my" treasures for myself.

How does Wilberforce relate?  If you know nothing of Wilberforce, know that he battled for 46 years to finally outlaw the African slave trade in Britain in 1833, and know that his passion & perseverance was fueled by enduring joy in contemplation of Christ becoming his holiness for him on the cross.  Such contemplation gave Wilberforce "new affections" to go and do as Christ had done for him, to serve the least of these and speak for those who had no voice.

Know as well that Wilberforce lived a life worthy of the box office & biography, and know of me that my biography transferred to the Big Screen would leave you demanding your money back.  Wilberforce lived a life FULL of "memorable scenes" which I, currently, am not.  Contemplation of this latter fact led me briefly to despair, and then to the Author of this legend's joy and passion:  His name is JESUS.

******

Sitting in my truck over lunch crying out to Jesus for joy & an understanding of my purpose, I looked up mid-sentence from my journaling to notice some yards away a man I'd soon come to know as Frank, the homeless man clutching the cardboard sign.

I'd seen Frank before while eating lunch in the shaded parking lot, and offered him the extra double cheeseburger I would soon replace with a Spicy Chicken.  I didn't know Frank's story, Frank's name, or what Frank might do with the cash I thought of handing him.  But Frank at least is human, and Frank would need to eat sometime, and so I gave Frank a hot burger.  Today when I saw Frank, I was faced with two choices:  either continue asking God to bring some excitement in my life, or realize that He'd already given me the choice to create it myself.  And so, as oddly as you can imagine, I walked 40 yards past hurried drivers in a shirt & tie to introduce myself to Frank, a homeless beggar.

With 20 minutes left of lunch, I invited Frank to sit down with me at Burger King.  It was a great idea to my liking, but Frank refused, and continued clutching his sign.  So, we'll talk here, I thought.  Frank was shy, telling me little of his life (he had no family, had lost work as a carpenter 2 months ago), for Frank may never have had someone so odd as me actually want to get to know him before.  Unsure of what to do next, I started to walk away, and then stopped to ask Frank what I could pray for him.  "Oh I pray and talk to God, and Jesus or whatever," he responded.  With reciprocal awkwardness I put my hand on his shoulder, then talked to Jesus as Frank glanced back at the awkward guy in a suit, and back at the passing cars--then at awkward guy in a suit, and back at the cars.  Still clutching his sign.

Praying, I remembered James:  "If a brother or sister is without clothes & lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Go in peace, keep warm, and eat well,' but you don't give them what the body needs, what good is it!?  In the same way faith, if it doesn't have works, is dead by itself!"  I left Frank but returned with a Kroger gift card, wrapping it with scrap paper & the words of Jesus:  This is My command:  love one another as i have loved you.  No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends.

Whether or not Frank will discover that his grocery card can also be used to purchase cigarettes & alcohol, I'll never know.  Whether or not I'll see him again, I also don't know.  But one thing I am learning is this:  the only life worth living is the one lived in obedience to the Spirit, the one who desires my joy and the use of my legs.  Drawing close to Jesus and being used of him to love others is exciting.

Why My Boring Job Is Interesting

Short Answer:  God has put me here. 
Long Answer:  Read on.


At UNC, I majored in Religious Studies, where I dove deep into ancient cultures new to me, into challenges of American Christianity, into debates and much writing.  Now, I'm working at a financial institution.


Why am I here?  That's my question too.  The short answer: God told me to marry Cristina (much to my delight!), and that included providing for her.  I took the first job (after six months of searching) that would hire me.


The long answer:  I don't know yet.  God has yet to reveal that.  But what makes this dry work so interesting lately is thinking on the short answer, that God is good and God is still in control, seated on his heavenly throne.  God has placed me here.  I BELIEVE God is training me for greater work--how this financial work fits into that, I'm not sure.  But here's a few things I'm learning that I'm sure God is gonna use:


1. (The Obvious #1):  God did not design me for a lifetime of this work.  I've come to know that by experience.  God has given me certain abilities, spiritual gifts, experiences, & desires that are not being actively employed in my current work.  There are some at my workplace who enjoy what they're doing, but not me.  This is not what God created me for.  Working at a job I don't enjoy has burgeoned my desire to work with God in a job I do enjoy.  We all want this; it's in our hearts, it's in our design.


2. I Want to Help People??:  So if I could choose to work in any other field right now I would choose something within the veins of either counseling or teaching, or some beautiful combination of the two.  Either way, I think I'd like to spend my life helping people.  The irony:  I currently work in customer service.  A hard truth I've learned about myself is that I'd really only like to help people in the ways I think they should be helped, or with the things that I think are most important.  50% of my job is spent unlocking internet passwords, and yes, it's boring.  But when people have needs, I should be willing to help them, regardless of how esteemed I might feel for being able to do so.  Jesus said:  "if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."  That God would be honored by my willingness to reset a simple password has been very encouraging to me lately, for I am "loving my neighbor" and meeting their needs.


3.  People really respect when you listen to them and give your full attention.  Taking 100 calls a day, it's easy to zone out.  But no one likes not being listened to, because listening communicates value to another person.  And, you can't really help someone if you're not adequately hearing what their problem is.  I had my first real "I want to speak to a supervisor" call the other day because I wasn't really listening to the client.  The funny thing is, I didn't feel she was listening to me either, which made for a comical clash of egos.


4.  You represent your company, so you're gonna take their flack.  As a follower of Jesus, hearing people blame me for how they believe my company has wronged them reminds me that just as Jesus was persecuted, so I shall be persecuted in obeying him.


5.  Go the 2nd mile:  Nothing grabs more attention than when you go out of your way to help someone, doing more than what's required of you.  Makes me feel great, and makes them feel great too.


6.  My time is not my own:  Working at a call center, I'm required to be "not ready" for a call no more than one hour a day, which is harder than it might sound.  I have to be ready to help someone whenever they want to be helped, not when I want to help them.  I believe this principle carries over from my work into the rest of life, for I was not only created by God but redeemed and "bought back at a price" to serve His purposes.


7.  (Which is the most exciting) God can do AMAZING things in the life of one who makes himself available:  More on this in my next post... :)

freedom from Shawshank...now where are we going???

Cristina and I watched Shawshank Redemption on Saturday, and I was called back to a quote that really stirred my heart two years ago when I first watched this film with my buddy Jeff.  To provide you context (or YouTube), it's from the very end of the film, when Morgan Freeman has decided to turn away from a dull post-prison life of fear, living at a depressing halfway house & working at a grocery store.  Instead, he's purchasing a ticket to Fort Hancock, Texas--breaking his parole, traveling to Mexico, joining his escaped friend the legendary Andy Dufresne.  On the bus to Mexico:

"I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head.  I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel--a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain...I hope I can make it across the border.  I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.  I hope the Pacific is a blue as it has been in my dreams.  I hope..."


My friend Tim lives a very cool life.  He seems about as shy & hesitant as a grizzly bear at a fish fry.  I love Tim.  Tim even looks like a grizzly, in a lovable sort of way.  Of course, Tim is just as flawed a man as I am, but that seems to make him all the more awesome, because Tim is dreaming big dreams AND living big dreams.  Tim is taking his daughters to all 50 states and a few foreign countries before they graduate high school.  Tim planted a church where another one had died of old age.  And Tim and I are getting lunch next week.

Recently, I've been in despair over what to do with my life.  You know, that question you start asking yourself in middle school and never really answer till...well...I'm not sure when.  Saturday, Tim told me where he saw my life headed.  It was big.  Tim's not like a prophet or anything, but Tim's a man of great vision.  And I got real excited, then creeped out like Tim had been renting copies of my daydreams.  Every bit of the vision he painted lunged at my heart.

I shared all this with Cristina, and then I started freakin out.  "Tim's crazy!...Babe, do I need to go back to school? And how would we afford that?...Man, I'd be good at this aspect, but I'm definitely missing the gifting for that!"  Cristina, being the awesome wife that she is, told me to stop.  And then I got to thinking...

Why can't I pursue those dreams that are bigger than me?  Why would I settle for the halfway house, for "institutionalization," conformity to that which the old cynics dub "the way things are"? 

It's the excitement only a free man can feel.  This is not naivete, the precursor to cynicism.  This is reason.  Do you know who my God is?  Have you heard how he led old Israel from captivity through a Red Sea, then through a desert to the Promised Land by pillar of fire & cloud?  Did you hear about that cross deal, how he proved he was FOR me by trading his Son?  With him I am free.

I'm not dreaming of a life with no conflict.  I'm saying embrace the conflict, & create a good story, the memorable scenes.  No one writes a film about saving up money to buy a Volvo.  Lord Of The Rings was written about a halfling who almost died only about a 100 times, and then saved the world.  There's a good story.


**I'd love to hear the ambition you're pursuing, or would like to pursue, if you'd like to comment.  I think that'd be AWESOME.

Back to School: Lesson 1

All the K-12 kiddos head back to school this week. The moment they've all been waiting for---some dreading, some eagerly anticipating. All the school supplies, in their varying colors, have been purchased. Bookbags have been unearthed from that pile in the bedroom that no one has touched since school let out in June. Heck, I even broke down and bought my own school supplies today. I bought a new journal (fine, it was a spiral notebook that I intend to use as a journal), and a new bookbag (that I need to lug around my 100-pound laptop). I just couldn't resist those school supply aisles in Walmart any longer. And, I think, for a minute, I just wanted the familiarity of buying school supplies in August---gearing up for the new school year. Last August was my first August, since I could remember August's, that I didn't start a new school year. I think that transition left me reeling for the past year. But, then, February 28th brought a new sort of August to look forward to...an August as a wife. So, here we are, in my first August as a wife...another transition. Life just keeps bringing them, huh? And, I've gotta say...scariest transition yet. Why? Well, among other things---like not knowing what kind of vacuum cleaner I should buy, or how to cook anything in a crock pot, or how to sew up the hole in our brand new pillowcase---I have no clue where this transition is going to take us. I have always had an end in sight. The end of the week, the end of a school year, the end of the summer, the end of STINT, the end of wedding planning. This one is WIDE OPEN. It feels like a free fall. So, here's the pop quiz...

When faced with the incredibly unknown, will you:
A. Be a pansy (as Case would so lovingly refer to you) and run away from things you can't predict or understand or control because of fear?

OR

B. Trust the Sovereign Creator & Lord of the Universe who gave Himself up in love for you, and who can write a much better story than you ever will?

God keeps teaching me this same lesson over and over, so that one day I'm gonna know the answer without prompting. The answer is B. TRUST

chapter 1

So I'm not really sure why I started blogging today.  Cristina has wanted me to do so for a while, and she's not even here right now.  She went to work two hours ago not wanting to go, and I let her go not wanting to end on the dissonant notes that we did.

I once took a sophisticated personality test that told me I tend to blame things on others when things are wrong.  Its called arrogance.  After a lazy Saturday at our Hut, much of which has been spent watching Shawshank in the bed, Cristina and I made the treacherous trek across the street to hunt for a meal.  Returning with fresh CharGrill, I felt the religious compulsion to thank God for our meal, and asked Cristina to do the honors.  Cristina felt like she couldn't pray though, and I thought--here we go again.  Sometimes Cristina feels like she just can't talk to God, and sometimes she feels like she can't talk to me, like her brain gets jammed or something.  As I understand it, this means something is bothering her and she has no idea how to express it.  This being a foreign situation to my own analytical mind, I tend to perceive this as a weakness in Cristina.

My CharBurger quickly cooling, I searched the Great Mind of Casey for a solution and put together a few scenes from the recent life of a struggling Cristina, noticed what I thought must be a pattern, and then told Cristina exactly what was wrong and how she needed to change in order for life to be awesome.  Boy! this really worked wonders!  After bowing at my feet and thanking me kindly for the info, Cristina told God how great I was and then hand-fed me my burgers & fries, even joyfully salting the fries and touching them up with ketchup according to my liking.  We then had a wonderful time talking over how smart I can be, & Cristina even called a few friends to let them know too.

In reality, Cristina was not pleased, and let me know how dumb my idea was.  Ten minutes later she left for work, and I was left laying on the bed with a book that would tell me how never to make this mistake or any other mistakes ever again.

The book, of course, failed toward its end, but it did help bring me to a vision closer to how I think the mind of God perceived this situation.  The weakness, I found, was not necessarily in Cristina's lack of understanding, but in mine.  For rather than listening to my wife, I chose hot food and the presumption that I could quickly "repair" a broken situation.  Rather than praying & taking the evidence to God my righteous Judge, I decided I could execute justice on my own.  Rather than elevating & honoring my wife as a "co-heir" of this new life we've been given (that's from 1 Peter 3:7), I looked down upon her and barked orders on how to climb up as high as me.

But then God honored me, and God listened patiently to me, all because 2000 years ago he poured out justice for my sin on His Son instead.  I hope to show the same patient love to my wife when she comes home tonight.