chapter 1

So I'm not really sure why I started blogging today.  Cristina has wanted me to do so for a while, and she's not even here right now.  She went to work two hours ago not wanting to go, and I let her go not wanting to end on the dissonant notes that we did.

I once took a sophisticated personality test that told me I tend to blame things on others when things are wrong.  Its called arrogance.  After a lazy Saturday at our Hut, much of which has been spent watching Shawshank in the bed, Cristina and I made the treacherous trek across the street to hunt for a meal.  Returning with fresh CharGrill, I felt the religious compulsion to thank God for our meal, and asked Cristina to do the honors.  Cristina felt like she couldn't pray though, and I thought--here we go again.  Sometimes Cristina feels like she just can't talk to God, and sometimes she feels like she can't talk to me, like her brain gets jammed or something.  As I understand it, this means something is bothering her and she has no idea how to express it.  This being a foreign situation to my own analytical mind, I tend to perceive this as a weakness in Cristina.

My CharBurger quickly cooling, I searched the Great Mind of Casey for a solution and put together a few scenes from the recent life of a struggling Cristina, noticed what I thought must be a pattern, and then told Cristina exactly what was wrong and how she needed to change in order for life to be awesome.  Boy! this really worked wonders!  After bowing at my feet and thanking me kindly for the info, Cristina told God how great I was and then hand-fed me my burgers & fries, even joyfully salting the fries and touching them up with ketchup according to my liking.  We then had a wonderful time talking over how smart I can be, & Cristina even called a few friends to let them know too.

In reality, Cristina was not pleased, and let me know how dumb my idea was.  Ten minutes later she left for work, and I was left laying on the bed with a book that would tell me how never to make this mistake or any other mistakes ever again.

The book, of course, failed toward its end, but it did help bring me to a vision closer to how I think the mind of God perceived this situation.  The weakness, I found, was not necessarily in Cristina's lack of understanding, but in mine.  For rather than listening to my wife, I chose hot food and the presumption that I could quickly "repair" a broken situation.  Rather than praying & taking the evidence to God my righteous Judge, I decided I could execute justice on my own.  Rather than elevating & honoring my wife as a "co-heir" of this new life we've been given (that's from 1 Peter 3:7), I looked down upon her and barked orders on how to climb up as high as me.

But then God honored me, and God listened patiently to me, all because 2000 years ago he poured out justice for my sin on His Son instead.  I hope to show the same patient love to my wife when she comes home tonight.