"I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel--a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain...I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is a blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope..."
My friend Tim lives a very cool life. He seems about as shy & hesitant as a grizzly bear at a fish fry. I love Tim. Tim even looks like a grizzly, in a lovable sort of way. Of course, Tim is just as flawed a man as I am, but that seems to make him all the more awesome, because Tim is dreaming big dreams AND living big dreams. Tim is taking his daughters to all 50 states and a few foreign countries before they graduate high school. Tim planted a church where another one had died of old age. And Tim and I are getting lunch next week.Recently, I've been in despair over what to do with my life. You know, that question you start asking yourself in middle school and never really answer till...well...I'm not sure when. Saturday, Tim told me where he saw my life headed. It was big. Tim's not like a prophet or anything, but Tim's a man of great vision. And I got real excited, then creeped out like Tim had been renting copies of my daydreams. Every bit of the vision he painted lunged at my heart.
I shared all this with Cristina, and then I started freakin out. "Tim's crazy!...Babe, do I need to go back to school? And how would we afford that?...Man, I'd be good at this aspect, but I'm definitely missing the gifting for that!" Cristina, being the awesome wife that she is, told me to stop. And then I got to thinking...
Why can't I pursue those dreams that are bigger than me? Why would I settle for the halfway house, for "institutionalization," conformity to that which the old cynics dub "the way things are"?
It's the excitement only a free man can feel. This is not naivete, the precursor to cynicism. This is reason. Do you know who my God is? Have you heard how he led old Israel from captivity through a Red Sea, then through a desert to the Promised Land by pillar of fire & cloud? Did you hear about that cross deal, how he proved he was FOR me by trading his Son? With him I am free.
I'm not dreaming of a life with no conflict. I'm saying embrace the conflict, & create a good story, the memorable scenes. No one writes a film about saving up money to buy a Volvo. Lord Of The Rings was written about a halfling who almost died only about a 100 times, and then saved the world. There's a good story.
**I'd love to hear the ambition you're pursuing, or would like to pursue, if you'd like to comment. I think that'd be AWESOME.
Let's get one thing straight, Lord of The Rings is not a story, it's a historical document. Ok, fine it's a good story. Side note for a second, I was listening to Tim Keller (huge LOTR fan) and he said he recommended reading LOTR to a couple in his church. He said the overall theme was a good comparison to Christianity. The couple came back to him one day and said they couldn't see how it could compare, and they really couldn't get into it. When he asked them what they started with they said The Hobbit, because they wanted to read chronologically. "That was your mistake," he said. The Hobbit was intended for children. It's an adventure story. "There and Back Again," that's an adventure. Bilbo comes back and life returns to normal. The Lord of The Rings is a quest. In a quest, the people are changed. At the end, nobody can go back to the way things were. Everything is different. That's the way Christianity is. You can't go back to the way you were. You are changed. There are many more parallels, but I won't go into them now. There's actually a book written about them. Sorry for the long side track, but I like that illustration. =)
ReplyDeleteHmmm, dreams and goals? 4 years ago if you would have asked me what I needed to do to break out and follow my dreams, I would have said "Well, I need drugs, sex, and music. Gimme gimme gimme. Live life in the fast lane, step on whoever you need to so you can have what you want. You only get one life, rock it out. Did I mention I don't want to really work, and I just want to mooch off my parents for as long as I can?
Well, things are different now. I don't feel this need to "break out out of the wall," and I praise God that I am part of "the sheep." The freedom I know now is the freedom from that stupid mindset that I am god, and I can do what I want. Because I believe, and try to live for Christ, I don't conform to the world. It's ironic. What I used to think was conformity is not. When I think about the future and my ambitions, I picture having a family, actively involved in our church. Not just involved, but leading through small groups, and mission trips where my children can experience the love of God through different cultures. I picture taking life slowly so I can soak in every moment and notice when God speaks to me through a 1 year old playing with blocks, or the silent meditation of a verse. I'm confident that it can happen, but if it doesn't, the beauty is I'm still free.
"Oh Andy...."
=)
a good story:
ReplyDeletehttp://vimeo.com/10880071
I make my prayer for you the prayer of Paul for the church at Ephesus, asking you to pay special heed to the part of the prayer we call "verse 20":
ReplyDelete14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
(Ephesians 3)
He is able to do far more...exceedingly, abundantly...MORE...over and beyond our biggest dreams...now, to HIM who is ABLE...and...where is that power at work...IN US...both to will and to do...wow, ain't God good?
Tim, thanks! (PS My life turned two summers ago when we talked about that verse in your office, getting ready for a camp. I used it to encourage my team all year. May I definitely NOT FORGET that word.)
ReplyDeleteClayton, what's that book? :)