There's really no excuse for not writing this blog earlier. Nonetheless, here we are, almost one month later.

One month later than what you ask? ONE YEAR I say! One year of newlywed bliss. I'm happy to report that in this first year we have never fought; we have never been frustrated with one another; we've every day looked out for the other before ourselves; we've let our spouse pick the movie even though we would rather have watched something else; we didn't even mind when our significant other ate the last cookie (brownie, chip, bite of salsa, slice of cheese, waffle, etc.). It has been awesome. Now I know what those married folks have been enjoying all these years!

PSYYYYYYYCH. Okay, hopefully you are back in your seat after making a trip to the bathroom to puke, and we can carry on with the real version of the last year. Of course we have fought. Mostly over incredibly trivial things. Things like "You finished the bag of chips? I just bought that bag of chips yetserdayyy!" or whether it is better to write all those thank-you-notes "with some peace and quiet so I can think straight" or "with some music so I can be more excited about my hand falling off as I crank these bad boys out." Seriously, at least two fights ensued over music vs. quiet. Not sure who won those yet. But truthfully, some of that "newlywed bliss" stuff is not all off-base.

What I mean to say is we have had a good year. It is fun to read together before bed (yeah, we're nerdy, so what!). It is awesome praying together---it is so cool how God can use Casey praying with me/for me to just pour some salve into a wound that's been reopened. It is, while at times stressful, way more exciting to cook dinner for two people than one. Especially when your husband will eat almost anything and routinely says "That was good, babe!" Thanks Love! It is, grueling, yet empowering, to work together on a monthly budget/spending plan. It is encouraging to see God work through Casey to love people and build relationships and to push them to Christ. It is humbling to be his helper. I am inadequate, but God's grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

There are so many more ways that God has grown us, and so many conversations, and prayers, and movie nights, and dinners, and family gatherings, and heartaches, and breakthroughs, and happy tears, and sad tears, and...life. How could I record them all? But God has been faithful through all of them, and we know He will continue to be. I am so happy to be married to my man. I am so thankful. "Because of my sin, and its consequences, I know I do not deserve to marry you," but I am so glad for grace!

The Cup

So, I once heard an awesome (as in really weighty) talk about "the cup"---of God's wrath, that is---and how Jesus took that cup for us. CJ Mahaney led us through the Garden of Gethsemane, and why it was such a terrible time for Jesus---because Jesus was already starting to drink, willingly, from the cup then. This was, strangely, the best picture I could find for that scene. For more on the other outdated images that google will bring up for you, watch here.

Anyway, I'm reading Isaiah now. It is by far my favorite book of the Bible. Is that sacrilegious to have a favorite? Well, either way, it's my favorite. Casey always gives me a funny look when I say that---and I guess I understand---because, honestly, there's a lot of hard stuff---lots of wrath is talked about throughout the 66 chapters. But there's also some of the sweetest words (in my opinion) of the Bible in there. And, I suppose, sometimes, I do just go straight to the sweet words. I could just camp out on chapters 40-43 maybe forever. But, I also think that sometimes the sweet words are all the sweeter when they immediately follow the hard words about our sin and its nasty disgusting deathly consequences. I'll admit though, there is this dissonance going on. Even within a chapter it'll be wrath, wrath, and then it'll end with peace and faithful love of God the King, Father, Creator, Husband.

This morning, though, it sort of all came together. I was reading chapter 50 and it starts with God rebuking Israel. Basically saying "Look, it's your own sin in turning away from me that has led to this mess (namely, the exile), and not my turning from you." He says "Is my hand shortened, that it cannot redeem?" (50:2b) Answer: Duh. No. So we go from the rebuke, to the end of the chapter and God is saying "Let him who walks in darkness (again, exile) and has no light trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God." (50:10b). Which is awesome that we get to put our hope in God and find salvation, but it's like "Wait a minute...what about all that wrath from the beginning? I mean, is that just swept under the rug?..." NO! It's not. Because our God is a God of justice. And that's when the middle of the chapter made sense. Verse 4, a character enters. He says:

"The Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are taught,
that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary...
The Lord God has opened my ear, and I was not rebellious;
I turned not backward.
I gave my back to those who strike, and my cheeks to those who pull out the beard;
I hid not my face from disgrace and spitting.
But the Lord God helps me; therefore I have not been disgraced;
therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame.
He who vindicates me is near.
Who will contend with me? Let us stand up together.
Who is my adversary? Let him come near to me.
Behold, the Lord GOD helps me; who will declare me guilty?
Behold, all of them will wear out like a garment; the moth will eat them up."

And who is this character? He is Messiah. Jesus. The mediator. He stands in on our behalf and is struck by the enemy for our sin. But He knows that God will help Him and vindicate Him, so He does not despair. And now, He allows us to say with Him, "He who vindicates me is near. Who will contend with me? Let us stand up together? Who is my adversary? Let him come near to me. Behold, the Lord GOD helps me; who will declare me guilty?" (50:8-9) So, here, as John Piper has said, "the death of the Messiah resolved the dissonance of history."

"You drink the cup to the bottom,
but it burns in your hand.
The cup was poured out
on The Maker instead."
(from "High Countries" by Sandra McCracken)

A Sweet Picture

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,

I will not forget you!
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me."

That's some of the most striking words and imagery I can imagine. It's kind of the most absurd question. How could a mother forget her child??? Answer: she couldn't! BUT, even if it were possible, God will NOT forget us! That is amazing. It's not even that He can't forget us, but that He "will not" forget us. He has chosen to remember us. He has engraved us on the palms of His hands. He will not forget us.

"Why Suffering?"

Why Suffering? from The Summit Church Sermons on Vimeo.

What I am (in a comparatively small way) wrestling with now. These words are a comfort in the midst of it...

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)...

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us (2 Corinthians 1:8-10)...

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)...

because we know that the One who rasied the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus (2 Corinthians 4:14)...

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. Four our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)