Trial + Steadfastness = Joy

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-3, emphasis mine)

Tams is learning James and quoted these verses to me Wednesday. And the word steadfastness jumped out. It's been appearing quite frequently lately. Most prominently in Psalm 5:7

But I, through the abundance of your steadfast love,    will enter your house.I will bow down toward your holy temple    in the fear of you.

God's love for His people is steadfast. Because God is steadfast. And good thing, because we sure are fickle. I have recently been enjoying the fact that no mater my shortcomings, God steadfastly loves me. Because He is God, and He has set His love on me in Jesus, and He does not change. 

James says we should count trials joy because that testing of our faith produces steadfastness. Trials create steadfastness in us. Steadfastness -- the very character of God. What?! What a privilege that God would grant that we mere creatures could experience what He experiences when He is steadfast. 

I don't want trials. Because they are harddd. But I do want more of God. If He ordains that more of Him right now means trials that cause me to have more of Him, then I will count it joy.

Winter, Spring, Summer, Or Fall

{There's a painting my mom's mom made of this one scene throughout the four seasons. It sits on a mantle in their living room, and I've always been drawn to it. I think our hearts are made to resonate with this sort of thing---a tree weathering the changes it experiences in winter, spring, summer, and fall. In fact, this post is largely inspired by this sermon that I listened to this morning on just that. Go check it out.}

That first crisply cool September morning...ah...I could just drink it in, I think. I feel like I can breathe better that morning than on any other morning. The first one happened just a couple weeks ago. I went out early in the morning, just as the sun was coming up, and I stood on the front porch barefoot, just to feel the cold under me. I inhaled---deep---fresh. "Yes, fall is here."

Historically, fall has always been my favorite season. The cool air. The clothes. The football. And the leaves---the colors of the leaves make my heart ache in that good kind of way! The food---pumpkins and apple cider and all things yummy that come at Thanksgiving. And that smallest little possibility that in the middle of North Carolina, on a just-the-right-temperature-day, there could be snow. It's a time of reprieve from the heat of summer, and a time of anticipation---of snow, of Christmas, of the next year not too far in the distance.

If you made me pick a season today, I'd say fall. But...then, I love winter, too. I mean...snow. That's all you really need to know. I love the way things get all frozen over when it gets really cold. I love seeing your breath when you stand outside talking in the morning. I love warm coffee on a cold morning. I love fireplaces. I love cinnamon. I love pretty lights everywhere. And, hello, I made my grand entrance into the world mid-winter! What's not to love about that? But, winter-lover that I am, by about February, I'm longing for Spring.

Spring is just bursting with new life! The flowers just explode! What kind of joy is better than seeing that first tree bloom after a long, cold winter? Doesn't it make your heart leap inside you? There's so much promise---so much hope being realized. The winter has passed. Things begin to thaw. We were made for spring. My favorite line in a book I love called Notes From The Tiltawhirl is this one where he talks about dear family members who have died. He talks about graveyards as gardens. Many seeds planted; waiting. The resurrection, he says---well, it's gonna be "a glorious spring." I can't drive past a cemetery these days without longing for that Spring. But you know, even Spring has its chilly days...even Spring gives way to Summer.

Summer is warmth. Light. Verdant. And Summer is coming. One day we'll have no need for a sun because the LORD Himself will be our light! That FULL life is coming. I long for that full life to be here now.

How can I pick a favorite season, now, I wonder? Maybe I don't have to. Maybe, He really has made everything beautiful in its time. Maybe, I was always meant to enjoy Him in all of the seasons. Maybe, each season has been appointed for a different purpose---and the One thing that remains the same throughout the seasons is God. I think,maybe, I am growing up. Learning to walk with God in the seasons of life that I am enjoying, and the ones that I don't yet feel ready for. Lately, I feel a bit like a little child who is still enjoying summer, and isn't yet ready for fall---pouting because the warm temperatures and the poolside days are gone for another year. I mean, we'd all like to have it only be the way we want it all the time. But God knows what we need. He really is good. And He really is using all things to work together for the good of those who love him and called according to His purpose---to make us like Jesus. Man, I just want to enjoy Him. In every season. Even the next one that I am a little afraid to enter. He'll be there.

My Stronghold

Casey and I were thinking and talking a lot on the word stronghold last week. We were feeling the weight of strongholds in our lives, and in the lives of many people we love. Sometimes we look around and feel hopeless because we see ourselves falling into the same traps over and over. Stuck in the same habits, believing the same lies, struggling with the same sins.

At the same time that we were feeling the weight of that word "stronghold", I was also reading through a few psalms, and noticing the way that David continually refers to God as His stronghold. I thought, "Could this word actually have a good connotation?"

Surely, David was a man who knew what it was like to struggle with the same things for a long time. He spent a good portion of his life running away. From Saul, from his sons, and in a season of rebellion, even from God's voice in his life (see: adultery and murder). He knew what a stronghold of sin looked like - in his own life, and in the lives of those he loved (Saul, Amnon, Absalom). And, he came to realize that the only safe stronghold to hide in was God:

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)

He acknowledged that there were strongholds he could not defeat on his own (boy, that sounds familiar):

He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. (Psalm 18:17)

He who took refuge in God, his stronghold:

This God—his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. (Psalm 18:30)

And he learned to keep fighting from within the stronghold of God's power:

He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. (Psalm 18:34)

And, these promises are for us, too. For me, and all who take refuge in our stronghold Jesus, Son of David, Son of God:

Great salvation he brings to his king, and shows steadfast love to his anointed, to David and his offspring forever. (Psalm 18:50)

"You got some candy?"

"Candy," was all she said, and serious as could be.

"What?" I asked.

"Candy. You got some candy?" she said again as she unlocked my door from outside and opened it to step up into the van.

"No, I don't have any candy" I told her. She was now practically laying across me to look into the middle console to see if I was telling her the truth.

Seeing me putting something away in my wallet she asked, "What's that? I want some!"

I told her, "You don't even know what it is! How do you know you want any? What if it's boogers!?"

And that's about where our conversation ended, because she realized I didn't have anything she wanted.

This is a little girl I know from church. We regularly pick her and brothers and sisters up to come to our Wednesday night children's programs, or to camps with Youth for Christ. Lately, when Casey and I have driven through her neighborhood on the church van, we've only been picking up middle schoolers and high schoolers for our youth group. Every time she sees our van pull in, she comes straight to the window and asks for candy. No need for pretense---no "Hello Cristina, how are you? Good to see you." She pretty much always only wants candy. The last few times we've interacted, I've taken to telling her that it's really not nice to do this.

"You know...it's kind of rude to only ever ask people for candy."

"No, it's not nice to get into people's car without their permission."

"Listen, you may not touch my things without asking first."

"It's not kind to tell people they are mean because they won't give you candy."

"No, stop hanging on the door. We have to leave now. It's not polite to hang on people's car doors."

As she yells that we are mean and she doesn't like us---"Okay, good to see you! See you later!"

The interactions usually just make me laugh, and yes, annoy me a little. But this last time, I just kept thinking about it for several days. I started thinking God probably had a lesson somewhere in it for me. So, I've been listening and pondering.

I think my last interaction with this little friend had just had really gotten under my skin. No one likes to feel used---like a person only cares about them for what they can get out of them. The thing is---she's a beautiful and funny little girl, and I'd like to be able to carry on a conversation with her. But I can't. I go to say hello, and she says, "Candy!" We go back and forth about candy till she realizes I don't have any. Then we go back and forth about whether she can come to youth group, even though she's about 5 years too young, and then once she realizes she can't get candy and she can't come to youth group, she's done with me, and says I'm mean and she doesn't like me anyway.

I think, it just grieves me that though I'd give myself to her in relationship, she only wants to talk about candy, even though I don't have that to give to her. And so, I realize, I think I do this with my Father, too.

"God, can I have x''?"

"No, that's not what I have for you right now."

"Well, then can I have 'y'?"

"No, that's not what I have for you either."

"God, why won't you give me what I want!!" Conversation over---on my part, not His.

But, here's the reason I have hope for me, and for her. I know how I feel about her. I still have love for her. I still want a deeper relationship with her. I want to be able to talk about life and her family and her likes and dislikes and her relationship with God. And I hope maybe one day she will be ready for that. I know that when she's ready, I'll be all ears. And I know that God is always infinitely more patient and loving than I am. So if I feel that way about her, how much moreso does he have patience and love and ears for me? I know in prayer that I am probably just where this little girl is. Asking for what I want and often walking away in disappointment when I don't get it. But I trust that God is faithful enough to wait on me to grow and to start talking to Him about what He wants for me. Yup, I think He's gonna help me grow up and He's gonna keep interacting with me and showing me who He is. And one day, I'll catch up. And one day, me and my little friend are gonna have a real conversation. And hey, maybe next time I ride through her neighborhood, I'll just bring a piece of candy to offer her---IF she will have a conversation with me :)