"Evidence, Boy!"

I think a lot. Perhaps too much. I think a lot about everything that's wrong in my life. Definitely too much--because there's so much that's right.  I'm convicted every time I look back at the story of the wandering Israelites--the story of how God delivered a people from slavery in Egypt to become a people for his own possession, a people for him to bless and lead into the Promised Land where they would enjoy serving him rather the heavy-handed Egyptians.  Yet, this group of people never entered the Promised Land, or rather their first generation didn't.  Instead their first generation wandered the desert for 40 years till they all but 2 faithful ones died off.  Why? Because they complained. They complained about missing the meat-pots they ate while slaves in Egypt, discontent with the adventure God was leading them on.  Not believing that there was better in store for them at their destination, better RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM leading them as a Pillar of Cloud by day and a Pillar of Fire by night--the Holy Presence of Jehovah.

God allowed a whole generation of Israelites to die off because they complained and did not treasure his Grace.  So why am I still here?  What have I missed out on?

God has been even more gracious to me.  "Evidence, boy!", my friend Tim shouts at me often.  He's good to do that.  I have a beautiful wife who loves the God who made her, loves the husband He's given her.  I have a great family.  I have a great church family--men who are like real brothers to me, who love me genuinely and look out for me.  An awesome small group I get the joy of leading. And then there's all those American "essentials"...the ability to brush my teeth everyday, the roof over my head, A/C, two cars, shirts & feckless ties for work 5 days a week.  That's right, I get Saturdays off too.

So as I mope tonight over not having the cable requisite for witnessing Kobe's impending Olympic glory, not having seen Dark Knight Rise yet, not having more money, more charisma, or more time to do some things I want to do (like blog)....well, the Evidence weighs against me and finds me guilty, of complaining. Of blindness to see "Wow my life is great...Really, it is. It's not naivete, this is real."

Romans 8:32 paraphrase, "God who did not even spare His own Son but freely gave Him to us, how will He not also with Him give us all things He's promised?"  The verdict: God is overwhelmingly good to me.  And His presence & approval is all I'll ever need for everlasting satisfaction.  Even if the list above was clipped, His presence would fill up the lack.  None of those blessings are enjoyable apart from Him, but He illumines each one.

God created me to know Him & enjoy Him forever. Wow.

Birds and Flowers

Photo Credit

When Casey & I got engaged, he had been working at the Call Center for about two months & I was unemployed. It's not like we weren't eating or anything, but we weren't exactly rolling in cash either. How exactly we were going to afford furniture for an apartment, let alone a honeymoon, was a mystery to us. 

As time went on, God provided these pieces of the puzzle for us, from places we couldn't have known about if we'd tried to figure it out. A free bedroom set from friends of friends. Free furniture from different family members. The way He kept surprising us like that---it made me a little bolder in my asking. I started asking Him to provide for our honeymoon. And He did. "Whoa! God can do that?"

By the time our wedding day rolled around in late July (side note: Happy 2nd anniversary Casey Ray---plus a week and a day), what had already been a sweet passage of Scripture to us, was now our life. You can actually find the Scripture in two places---Matthew 6, and Luke 12. Birds and flowers. Jesus is like "Look! Look at the birds, and look at the flowers---they don't do  ANYTHING and God feeds them and clothes them...and you are worth so much more than they are!"

Matthew 6:33 says "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well." That's it! That's it?? That's all I have to do?? Just seek God, seek His kingdom, and He already knows what I need and will delight to provide it, as a Father delights to care for his daughter? Yes. That's it.

I love how that verse (in Matthew 6) is followed up in Luke 12. Verse 32 says "Fear not, little flock, it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." Wow. (Another side note: if you struggle to understand God as your Father, and you want to hear an amazing sermon on this verse, go look up John Piper's sermon on Luke 12:32 at www.desiringgod.org---for me, it was life-changing.). So, not only do I not have to worry about my Father God providing for my physical needs, but I also don't have to worry about the one thing He's told me to seek (His kingdom) either, because it's His good pleasure to give it to me! Amazing.

God is still Very much teaching (ingraining?) this to us. I would guess, mostly, because we forget it so quickly. We spend over our budget, like we did this month. OVER budget. And we don't know how it's gonna work out, but I hear God whispering to me each time we're faced with a choice to trust Him or hold onto our money more tightly --I hear him telling me to trust Him. That's it---just trust Him. And then I find a $20 bill I had stuck in a journal from college graduation, and a $10 bill in the backseat of my car (I don't normally have cash in my car, so don't ask me for a ride hoping to find some). And then I get paid more than we expected for the month (the extra pay equal to the amount we went over budget). So, I realized this morning that to God we were never "over budget". We were never "in the red". He knew EXACTLY how this would all pan out. And that is why Matthew 6:31-32 says "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?'or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them."

This is so freeing! God sees the big picture. I don't. I can trust Him as my Father to provide for these needs, and so I am liberated to solely seek His kingdom and His righteousness! Let it be Lord.

Why I love Rap Music

I should say, "Why I love Christan Rap Music", but that is not as catchy a title, is it?

Y'all, it's really simple. I Do like the way rap sounds. I like that when you turn up the base really loud in the car, you can actually feel the beat. I think the ability to talk/sing that fast is amazing. And, if for no other reason, it's what I grew up in---it was what you listened to if you were my age in middle school and high school. But all of that is just part of why I initially started listening to rap. The rest of it is, for a little white, middle-class, straight-A, good citizen, young woman, listening to rap was "rebellious" to me. I knew it baffled my parents. I knew it annoyed people sitting with you at the stoplight when your base was so loud it sounded like your car was gonna fall to pieces right there in the intersection. I knew it would attract attention, and gain approval, from the group of people I wanted to impress at the time. So, I listened to my Luda and 50 Cent and Eminem. It sort of seemed like the only fitting music to listen to as I engaged in all the other stupid things I did during that period of my life.

And then, when I was seventeen, 7 months before I graduated from high school, I met Jesus. As I realized my sin, and my emptiness apart from God, I cried big soul-deep sobs at the altar of the Aberdeen First Baptist Church building, and I called out on Jesus' Name, and asked Him to forgive me, and told Him I wanted to do things His way now. I got up So light, so free, and so convinced that everything in my life was about to change. And it did. Some if it, immediately. Some it, not so immediately. Some of it, God is still working on. I'm thankful for the promise in Philippians 1:6 that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Honestly, I can't remember what I listened to right after I started walking with Jesus. Probably, it was a mix of all the stuff I used to listen to, and a lot of new-to-me music about Jesus. What I do remember is the first time I heard of this guy named Lecrae who raps for Christ. And I was like "This is AWESOME." You know why it's awesome? Because, for me, rap was the soundtrack to all the garbage I used to love. But, God had redeemed it. So, now when I listen to rap that glorifies God, it just screams to me "Redemption!!!" God is a redeemer. He redeems people. He redeems music. Amen.

So, if you're behind me at the stoplight and you hear my car shaking, and you're thinking "Is she...?" Yes, I am!

Shot through the heart (in an awesome way)

This article from The Resurgence couldn't have been any more spot-on for me this morning. It all started when my Loving husband texted me, told me he'd read Proverbs 31 this morning and thought of me. After I stopped laughing (so that I wouldn't cry), I thought about reading the proverb, and then thought better of it because I remembered how awful it makes me feel to read about this super-'wife of noble of character' who apparently never sleeps and laughs at what's to come because she's so awesome that her family will never lack any good thing. 

 All, what I assume is twenty or so, of her children are clothed in royal colors and wake up every morning just to tell her how awesome she is, echoing the words of their father, her husband, and even the townspeople. "Right," I thought, "I'm not reading that." But, glutton for punishment that I am, I opened the thing up, read it, and, just as I knew I would, felt immediate shame and guilt. Ugh. The real kicker? Verse 27:

"She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness."
 

which, if you read my facebook status yesterday, you know is so not true of me. I feel like all I do sometimes is eat the bread of idleness (aka Bojangles biscuits). 

After reading this lovely, uplifting word (note: I think it's important to point out that, though I obviously didn't see it that way this morning, we know God's Word is always good, because He is always good & never changes, despite my feelings about it at any given moment, and yes, my feelings change moment by moment), I had to drop off a pie at Casey's workplace. Ironically (?), I was dropping off the pie because, though I'd intended to have it ready for him this morning, I'd not gotten around to making it until around nine. So, off I go, and good husband that he is, Casey starts asking if I'm okay. "Fine. I'm fine..." And, as I walk out the door, I mumble, "By the way, I'm Not the Proverbs 31 woman." 

 Of course, he made me come back and explain, and, of course, I had my case ready for why God doesn't like me because I'm lazy and always eating the bread of idleness, yada yada. And he says, "Wait, I have something you need to read." And there's the longest version EVER of why the following article is a good word to me today, and hopefully to you too. Read on.

How to Read the Bible

Ray Ortlund » God Scripture Gospel

There are two ways to read the Bible. We can read it as law and threat, or we can read it as promise and assurance. If we read the Bible as law, every page will feel like God glaring at us: “If you ever . . . .” And since we are all law-breakers at heart, the Bible will crush us. Even the promises will come across as law: “God will bless sinners—well, the ones who deserve it.” If we read the Bible as promise, every page will be hope from God. It will breathe new life into us. Even the commands will be sweetened with grace: “God will bless sinners—yes, sinners who break these laws.”

Which way of reading of the Bible is correct?

The apostle Paul explains: “The law, which came 430 years afterward, does not annul a covenant previously ratified by God, so as to make the promise void. . . . God gave it to Abraham by a promise” (Gal 3:17-18). Here is Paul’s point. If we want to know whether we should read the Bible through the lens of law or promise, we can start reading on page one and see which comes first. And in fact, promise comes first—God’s covenant with Abraham in Genesis 12. The law is a later sidebar, in Exodus 20. The category “promise” is the larger, wraparound framework for everything else. The deepest message of the Bible is the grace of God for sinners. The Bible presents itself this way. The laws and commands and examples and warnings are all there. Let’s revere them. But we can read them with this as our foremost thought: “Jesus obeyed it all. He died for all my failure. And now he is changing my heart. I can read this page of the Bible with hope in his grace.”

I will leave with you the video I've been watching on repeat since yesterday's lunch with the girls. I think the video/song makes sense, only in light of the truth that "The deepest message of the Bible is the grace of God for sinners," because, we ALL KNOW that God is holy and cannot be near sin, but we also know that He so loved the world that He sent His  Son Jesus to the world, to live sinlessly, to die in our place, and to cleanse us from all our sin, so that we could be Near Him. Wow.