Coach

Thursday afternoon, I was watching the Southern Middle Panthers take on the Mcdougle Middle Mustangs. The team was struggling at one point and I noticed the coach call out some instruction to one of his players. It seemed like it was probably some instruction he'd already given a few times to this player, who rolled his eyes, shook his head, and muttered something to his teammate. I thought, "Oh, buddy, that is just not gonna work out for you."  

If for no other reason than he'll pull you out of the game if you won't follow his lead, you should submit to your coach. But beyond that, it's just not smart to disagree with your coach, who knows you, and can see the game with an outside perspective. He's the coach for a reason. 

Isn't it the same with us and God? Isaiah 28 explains how God is like a farmer with us, careful to plow and sow and harvest at just the right time. So why is it so hard for us to wait on His timing? Do we think we know better? That He is somehow not competent to run our lives? He is competent.

Isaiah 28:29 reminds us that He is, "The LORD Almighty, wonderful in counsel and magnificent in wisdom." He knows how to coach us.

God either counts faith or trespasses

I read something the other day that kind of dumbfounded me:

"that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation." 2 Corinthians 5:19 

Of course, I'm glad God is not counting trespasses against those in Christ, especially me, but I wondered, "How?? How can He just not count them?" 

After a few days of some Mary-style pondering in my heart, I could only conclude that I didn't understand, but I was thankful. Then, searching for this passage about Abraham's faith in God's promise, I realized a connection that took my breath away:

20 No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God,

21 fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.

22 That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness."

23 But the words "it was counted to him" were not written for his sake alone,

24 but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord,

25 who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification. 

Romans 4:20-25 

So, I realized, God will count one of two things- our trespasses, or our faith in Christ. One leads to death, our deserved wage. One leads to life, a gift of Jesus' righteousness. 

Here's what I've found:

6 just as David also speaks of the blessing of the one to whom God counts righteousness apart from works:

7 "Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; 

8 blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin."  

Romans 4:6-8

Renewing Our Vows

Brett came over Saturday night and helped Casey put together the humongous desk that he bought. They couldn't fit it in the door Tuesday when he brought it home, so the only thing to do was take screws out and bring it inside in pieces. Kelly was at a wedding vow renewal, so we got to talking about that whole concept --- why people do it and that sort of thing. I didn't know what I thought about it.

Sunday night we had a special baptism and singing service at church. I listened to Allie share how God connected the dots about Jesus for her several years ago, and how she's given her life to Him. I listened to Brett ask her some questions like 'Did she believe Jesus's life and death and resurrection was enough to cover her sin and give her new life?' And 'Did she want to commit to following Him forever?' It all felt very wedding-y. It was beautiful, and we all cried for joy. And I was thinking about my own baptism, and the day that I first gave my life to Jesus. How He won my heart over. I couldn't help but think of my own vows to God.

Andrew got up to lead music, and he said the band had been praying that all of us would, in a sense, be "baptized" that night---renewed. And my heart leaped a little...renewed...like renewing your vows. And we started singing. And...have you ever sat down to a meal, not realizing you were hungry, but once you started eating, you realized it was the best food you'd ever tasted? That's what it was.

We sang song after song---all my favorites. I kept waiting for a song I didn't like to come up, but it never happened. And I knew---God directed the night for ALL of us, but I couldn't help but think, "He KNOWS these are my favorites." And I sang them...I had to...I sang them to Him. I couldn't help but think, "Is God...am I...are we renewing our vows?"

We sang how "There is Power in the Name of Jesus...to break every chain"....and I confessed that I want to believe this! I need to believe this! In fact, what I wrote on my paper is, "It is Time to believe God for..." For people in my life that I want to be free. For my own freedom from guilt and fear.

Then Andrew said something about being controlled by love, and of course, 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 came to mind, "For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all; therefore all have died; and He died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for Him who for their sake died and was raised."

It was the beginning of the answer to my prayer...freedom is being controlled not by guilt and fear, but by the love of Christ. So, we sang about His love for us. What would it be like to be ruled by love instead of guilt and fear? It sounds like cold water in the desert. So I did, and I am, begging God to help me believe His love for me. To be controlled...compelled by that love.

And, Casey tells me He's going to answer that prayer because, well, it's what He wants, and He's the one who gave me that desire in the first place. And...I am stunned. And hopeful. It's been twelve years, and some days I honestly wish I had more to show for it. But apparently God isn't done yet. He still wants me. Even when I am faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.

I hate going to the dentist. (Nothing personal, dentist people)

The last time I went to the dentist, they told me I had a hole in my tooth. How does that even happen? Actually, I wasn't that surprised because I feel like I spent half of my childhood getting filings at the dentist. I think because of that, I have a lot of anxiety when I go now, thinking they'll find something else wrong. Even the smell of latex makes my stomach start hurting cause it reminds me of those gloved hands drilling away in my too-small mouth.

So, after a few months of putting off this filing, I finally scheduled the appointment... Well, actually I had Casey call and schedule it for me... Told you I had some anxiety. 

When it finally came time to go, I was sick and couldn't breathe already, so I knew piling anxiety-laden activity onto my already fragile state wouldn't work, so I had to call and reschedule until yesterday. I was really proud of myself for calling on my own that time. #grownuplife

All day long I was dreading the appointment and told everyone I saw about it. Mark reminded me what C.S. Lewis said in "Mere Christianity":

    "When I was a child I often had toothache, and I knew that if I went to my mother she would give me something which would deaden the pain for that night and let me get to sleep. But I did not go to my mother—at least, not till the pain became very bad. And the reason I did not go was this. I did not doubt she would give me the aspirin; but I knew she would also do something else. I knew she would take me to the dentist next morning. I could not get what I wanted out of her without getting something more, which I did not want. I wanted immediate relief from pain: but I could not get it without having my teeth set permanently right. And I knew those dentists: I knew they started fiddling about with all sorts of other teeth which had not yet begun to ache. They would not let sleeping dogs lie, if you gave them an inch they took an ell.  
    Now, if I may put it that way, Our Lord is like the dentists. If you give Him an inch, He will take an ell. Dozens of people go to Him to be cured of some one particular sin which they are ashamed of (like masturbation or physical cowardice) or which is obviously spoiling daily life (like bad temper or drunkenness). Well, He will cure it all right: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment.  
    That is why He warned people to ‘count the cost’ before becoming Christians. ‘Make no mistake,’ He says, ‘if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push Me away. But if you do not push Me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect— until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.’"

Comforting, Mark, thanks...

And, what do you know, when I got there yesterday, they went ahead and did my six month cleaning and checked out all my other teeth. "No!!" I thought. "I only scheduled the one filling!" But they weren't satisfied with that. In fact, while working on my one filling, they had to adjust an old one beside it that needed some attention with all the chaos going on next door. But, ya know, they fixed my teeth. Cause it's their job. And it hurt. It was uncomfortable. It was messy. But, it was worth it. And my heart is no less worth it. And God won't stop short of perfection, so that his righteousness and his power might be put on display. And that's good. For all of us. So I can submit with hope and joy, because "The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost." 1 Timothy 1:15