How far along? 26 weeks (as of Friday) How big is the peanut? The size of a scallion (length wise I'm guessing), or a chuck roast 😂 Total weight gain/loss? Gain. We'll leave it there. Maternity clothes? Between 2 friends' loans and a couple shopping trips I can now happily report I have clothes that fit :) Sleep? Been using the body pillow Kelly loaned me. It's interesting. I think I like it. Best moment this week? Casey and I picked out a few outfits for baby. First things we've specifically bought for this little one. Symptoms? Um... Nothing I feel like sharing? Just... Go read a pregnancy book. They're fairly accurate :) Food cravings? Grapes! Red grapes. And ice water. Food aversions? Sadly, chick-fil-a is back on the banned list :( Gender? Still a secret for Grandma and Grandpa Wase, so shhh... Labor signs? No, thank goodness! Belly button in or out? We're still in, barely. Didn't you want to picture my belly button? Ew. What I miss? The beach. Oh wait, you meant in regards to pregnancy? Well...More clothing options. That's about it. What I'm looking forward to? Next appointment and hearing that heartbeat again. Kicks every day. Seeing Casey take care of baby. Milestones? Nothing this week I don't think. Bump?
How far along? 25 weeks (as of Friday) How big is the peanut? The size of a cauliflower (or Rutabaga if that's your thing) Total weight gain/loss? Gain. We'll leave it there. Maternity clothes? Yes! (when I packed for the beach 2 weekends ago, normal clothes fit. By midweek at the beach, nope!) Sleep? I'm getting it, and I'm thankful (even if it doesn't ease the back aches) Best moment this week? Hearing Lil Cauliflower's heartbeat at the checkup (going strong in the 140's!) and hearing that we're right on track with measurement. Symptoms? Um...belly, check. Peeing, check. Tired, check. Tears, check. Anything else? Food cravings? Mostly just fresh things---fresh veggies, fresh fruit, fresh ICE CREAM bahaha. Food aversions? Greasy food (I miss you Bojangle's, and I promise to make it up to you one day!!!) Gender? Still a secret for Grandma and Grandpa Wase, so shhh... Labor signs? No, thank goodness! Belly button in or out? We're still in, barely. Didn't you want to picture my belly button? Ew. What I miss? My favorite jeans. And Bojangle's. And Mt. Dew. I'm done crying now. What I'm looking forward to? Seeing Lil Cauliflower!!! Also, being done with the glucose test (next apppointment, bleh.) Milestones? Mmm...we're in month 6. We know gender. I've officially "outgrown" my normal clothes. What else to say? Bump? Yup! The last week or two is the first time that random people have said something to me about being pregnant, so I know it's for real noticeable now...not just doughnut belly anymore :)
Yesterday marked our official halfway point in our pregnancy. Naturally, we celebrated with a slice of carrot cake topped with a "1/2" candle that I found in Target's clearance section (reason #34567 why Target is the best store ever). Then we tried really hard to stand still with our hands on the belly to see if we could feel anything. Nothing yet. Patience (we get to see Baby A again on Monday eeek!!!)...
Yesterday was also a big day for our adoption. Our agency's policy is that if we haven't matched with a birthmom/baby by the time we're 5 months pregnant, they put us on hold until our bio-baby is 6 months old. We got official word at 2:54 p.m. yesterday that no match has been made thus far. So, we know that we'll be on hold until at least June of next year.
There's so many emotions going on with all that. I know, you say, "You're pregnant! Of course there's emotions!" Ok, you're right. There are. But I do think there's layers of emotions that we wouldn't otherwise have if we weren't simultaneously pregnant AND pursuing adoption. A little relief that we won't have 2 newborns at the same time. A little disappointment that we won't meet our adopted child for at least another year. A tinge of doubt that maybe we messed something up in the process. A flicker of hope because we know God really is the One in control. "All the feelings," as they say.
When we found out on April 1st (Yes, April Fool's Day. See, God is funny!) that we were pregnant after several years of not getting pregnant, and deciding to go ahead and pursue adoption (something we'd always wanted to do, but had planned to do post-bio-babies), we were...surprised. A little confused. We were 2 weeks out from our final home visit and adoption approval..."Why Now God?" was a real question---not because we weren't happy. We were! Just...we don't get the inside scoop on what God's doing, and we were...confused.
For about a week, we wondered and prayed and asked advice about whether to even continue with our last home study appointment, and felt like God was leading us to go ahead and continue the process. We did, we got approved, and we only needed to make a profile book about our family to show prospective birthmoms. Boy, this last step seemed like it took forever!!! (Kinda 'cause it did...) But in June, we finally finished it with about a month to spare before we'd be put on hold by our agency.
All during that book-making process, we were, again, wondering and praying and asking advice about whether to even continue the process. Is it crazy to set yourself up to have 2 newborns at the same time??? We actually got to ask a couple who experienced that exact thing, and they said "Yes! It IS crazy, but it's worth it..." Honestly, during the process, I don't know that we were ever SURE one way or the other what God wanted for us, BUT we knew that we trusted Him to make the right decision. So, we took a step of faith, we made our book, we put ourselves out there, we set ourselves up for possible craziness. And, as you see, He said "Not right now."
All along I've told people that God knows the timing of when our adopted child will be born. That hasn't changed. All that's changed is that I THOUGHT I knew when it was going to happen, and I was wrong. I FEEL like I know now...I feel like maybe we're halfway through the adoption, too. Like maybe it'll be another year and a half before we met our next little one. But, honestly, I just don't know. I kind of hate when people turn things into cliches like "I don't know what the future holds, but I trust the One who holds the future." But, it really is true. Pretty much all of this has been a walk of faith. And it seems God isn't done teaching us about that yet. We're going out like Abraham to that place God is calling us to---we just don't know exactly where it is or when we're gonna get there. Til then, we trust Him.
In this whole process, the message of the song "Oceans" has been a recurring theme. It seems every time we were at a crossroads emotionally or financially, this song would come up. So, I thought I'd post it here:
Excited to meet Baby A in December, and excited to meet Baby A #2 whenever the Lord decides...
C&C
Thursday afternoon, I was watching the Southern Middle Panthers take on the Mcdougle Middle Mustangs. The team was struggling at one point and I noticed the coach call out some instruction to one of his players. It seemed like it was probably some instruction he'd already given a few times to this player, who rolled his eyes, shook his head, and muttered something to his teammate. I thought, "Oh, buddy, that is just not gonna work out for you."
If for no other reason than he'll pull you out of the game if you won't follow his lead, you should submit to your coach. But beyond that, it's just not smart to disagree with your coach, who knows you, and can see the game with an outside perspective. He's the coach for a reason.
Isn't it the same with us and God? Isaiah 28 explains how God is like a farmer with us, careful to plow and sow and harvest at just the right time. So why is it so hard for us to wait on His timing? Do we think we know better? That He is somehow not competent to run our lives? He is competent.
Isaiah 28:29 reminds us that He is, "The LORD Almighty, wonderful in counsel and magnificent in wisdom." He knows how to coach us.
